Welcome to the ramblings of an unsound mind. A meaningless piece of tripe. and waffle to help all you insomniacs out there falls asleep for the next six weeks.
Well Andy said it and why should I change a winning formula.
Ok Now Gals and Guys. This is the high spot of our Welsh tour. A trip to the Riviera of Newport.
Granted it's technically on the coast. Well Almost. Granted it's the only club we will visit in Wales that is in league Two. And granted they have done well to regain their position in league two. They have one of only two transporter bridges in the UK. Although preserved you are rarely likely to see it working. and granted the M4 excites kids as it goes through a socking treat hole in a big hill. oh boy is this ever gripping. Not!
That's where it ends folks.
In fact I cannot think of any redeeming features of this place. I know Dr Who was ensconced up the road in Cardiff for some years filming and they also filmed The Sci fi spin off Watchdog. Or was it Dog watch. Nope that can't be right.
The first is a consumer programme that resides on the BBC. Used be to run by an old dog, Ann Widecombe. Opps that aint right either Anne Summat or other.oh yes Robinson. I knew the old cells would overcome the rust sooner or later There's one for your borderline boilers boys. Or a watch looking out for old dogs. Now boys I Am referring to the lesser spotter Boiler. Summat to excite Dave and Matt. Or possibly even Trojan. Ah I remember now. Torchwood.
There, see, the rust can be overcome sometimes. The old memory ain't quite what it used to be. Yeah I know. I am in the throws of old age with memory failure a fact of life. In fact I have formed a new branch of the supporters club. The Alzheimer's fans. You know us when we stand at the back of the pop. You'r stood there singing “Who are ya. Who are ya†to the opposition and we are at the back singing “Who are we. Who are we†With other such notable favorites as. Sing when we do somethingâ€. And “Everwhere we go, We want to know, Who are, we and where we do we come fromâ€. And “we are going home in a Devon Ambulanceâ€. We don't know what we're doing.
Now let's get back to where I was talking about a vibrant exciting town In Wales. Oh we are not in Cardiff.
In fact it's so exciting I always felt like leaving and going to sample the wonderful delights offered by Barry Island. At least they had a beach there. And wonderful old set of railways sidings where many many old steam engines of days gone resided while awaiting their fate at the hands of the cutters torch. Not that it ever happened. As good Ole Di Woodham saved em all. now they go on to serve their time for many years to come on many steam lines around the country. It did provide a darned good playground for me for many years.
At least you can rest easy in a deckchair. Even if the sand only thinly covers a goo of mud that would do Max Factor proud.
Mind you. Even that is better than the soup boiling up toward Porthcawl. Now will someone please tell me how that area became a holiday resort. The rocky foreshore is so pitted and scored by the weird concoction called the sea it has descended into a scene which would do a good job in a Sci Fi film of a distant planet.
What is actually in that chemical soup is definitely not for swimming in. You are likely to come back out morphed as a new form of life. With half you flesh hanging off. Coming to think of it. Achmed the dead terrorist could well have bathed there.
TheTown in a despot in a list of all time despots,. It's a dump, A pit. (not refering of course to the many pits that abounded the area. Mind you it could well be shoveled up and dumped down one of them. It would certainly tidy up the area even if there was a muddy great ole left. Even that would be prettier than Newport is.
Now I don't know if this is the towns fault or not, But it took a Newport local to describe this hole as, and I qoute. “The town where the Men are violent and the women are uglyâ€.
Is it unfair. Nope! Definatly not. I know I used to go there on a regular basis to visit family.
If there is an uglier City (yup. I just remembered, Some Numpty conferred the title of City on this Hovel.) Scathing. Who me. Never.
If there is an untidier uglier City in the UK , no never mind. If there is an uglier City on this planet then I haven't found it yet. Grimsby and Cleethorpes can't hold a candle to Newport.
Yes folks we have dug the depths and reach Wales underearth. A place you previously only thought only lived on in many nerdy minds filled with fantasy sci fi films with tales of dragons and hard men cold grey castles and heaps of spoil. Oh that sounds like Wales.
Now I cannot in all honesty say Wales is the dump of them all. After all I am half Welsh. I love parts of this wonderful country.
I did say Parts. Newport is not the part I love though.
Has anything actually happened in Newport that was exciting. Bar promotion I doubt it. Oh I don't know though. The canal just to the side of the M4 sprang a dirty great ole one day and emptied it's contents all around. In fact We saw more fish that weekend than when we tried to actualy fish in the darned canal. It all looked a bit comical. Then they bunged up the ole and filled it with water. The fish were restocked and more than likely promptly died. Oh come on. You don't really think that dirty ditch could support life did you.
In fact if you venture south a little you might just see what is called the sea. It's the Bristol Channel in fact. Just that over on the Welsh side it's more poison than water. I know. I tried to paddle in it once. Coal, Steel. Quarrying.Chemicals They all contributed to throwing all the nasty juices that rendered that part of the coast more deadly than a vat of acid. And that is without the ooze thats the mud that Max Factor uses to beautify the women of Newport. In fact it's so good that they wear it out when they go out on the town. If they ever took it off, we would scream in horror.
Now you know why that ditch which they call the Rivers Usk looks so inviting when you cross it on the M4.
The country of Song. Well that was put to bed when the Newport fans took to sing their team to victory. Then we realised they couldn't sing after all.
One would have thought that the miners would pass on their individual talents and lend the inheritance on to the younger generation. Nah not a chance. Most of the kids wouldn't know a coal mine even if they fell down one.
If you dropped a piano down a mineshaft nowadays. You woudn't get A flat miner.(Minor. Get it. Oh forget it, it's wasted on you lot) You would get a soggy great splash. With a few musical bangs on the way down. Actually, that's not a bad idea. It ,might give a bit of inspiration to the “Lost Prophetsâ€.
So what can Newport offer you. Not a lot.
I offered to take my wife on a tour of Newport and Cardiff one night. Was she impressed. Bet yer life she wasn't. Women slagged off and sloping off behind bins to have a pee. Or even a s**t In full view too. Men hanging around wondering if they should offer paper some to wipe or read.
And the coppers trying to have the upper hand in the many scuffles. While the yoofs played football with their helmets. Mind you there was sometime better football than that on offer by County. Maybe they should be signed up. I didn't realise just what could be achieved by uppies with a coppers helmet.
So Newport is the bottom of the pile in Wales. I suppose that's why it's in Wales. No one else wanted it. So they hid it in Wales.
So to it's redeeming features. Well it's got a railway station. Erm, it's got a Motorway. And a tunnel. Hmm I give up. It's ain't got any.
Even the railway station is weird. A brand new ticket centre with a futuristic footbridge that is freezingand leaks in winter, and a microwave oven in Summer. Mind you as summer is generally on June 30th it doesn't matter much.
So onto Rodney parade. The New home of Newport County. Wow the town has got a redeeming feature. The ground is really quite homely. Quaint even
A brand new stand runs down one side which houses the away fans and some home stalwarts.. one end a terrace for home fans and that goes part way round and down the opposite side to the main stand which although old but has definately got character.
Now you may wonder how I know all this.
Well My local town side achieved wonders in the FA cup two seaons ago and met County at home in the Cup. What ensued will go down in history as one of the cup ties of all time. Granted it wasn't Manure or Liverpuddle. But given the status of Lil Ole Yate. Pronounced Yate to us mere mortals. Or Yaatey or Yaatey international to those who espouse to poshness. Or even Lower Sodbury if your too posh to allow Yate to exist. A town of a few thousand whose football team didn't even venture so much as a ripple of ecitment won a cup tie to meet the Might Newport County who were really riding high in the conference.
Now most of you wouldn't ever have heard of Yaatey international. Not surprsing really. It's a town just to the North Of Bristol almost in the corner of the M5/M4 corridor near Almondsbury interchange.
In terms of the gap between Yate and Newport. Let's just say David Met Goliath. And when you see just how ugly the girls are you will quake in your boots.
Welll. Yate didn't. They nearly beat Newport on home soil. Now some thought that that was that. Newport saved their blushes at the last minute to take the tie to their gaff. Not a bit of it. Yate took the game to Newport which became so one sided that it was embarrassing and I watched in absolute incredulity as Yate went on to trounce Newport County 3-1.In fact the quality of football was so good that night, that I was indeed glad that Yate had not been drawn against Torquay.
So I got to see an amazing cup tie and have a gander at their new home. And I have to say I was quietly impressed. Granted it is actually the home of the rugby club. But the grandstand is really quaint. It is an old wooden stand but well maintained. It has a terrace in front and then the stand behind seperated by a really tidy fence which reminds me of a park or cricket stand. But in it's own way really lends character to the ground which had been by and large maintained to a good standard.
I like Rodney parade. It will one have to be pulled down and rebuilt,. But when that happens I fear it will be the death of all grounds with character. Well maybe with the exception of Acrington.
Now, Newport has something in common with United. A lottery winner. And he has bankrolled the club to promotion and I think they will be a force to be reckoned with this seaons and for some seasons to come.
In fact their owner won £15,000.000. yes 15 million. Thats a huge sum. So big, given the state of the town. Opps sorry, City. He could buy all the houses and still have enough change to buy a meal in no.10 for all the fans off both clubs.so when we get em down at or gaff. The drinks are on him. Go easy though cos our bar will have problems coping with the size of that order.
I do wonder sometimes if our two respective Chairmen have met and talked and shared advice as it's not easy running a football club. I can well imagine that a lottery windfall could easily disappear in the veritable black hole called Football, but that's another story.
So as you venture up the M5 and cross over to the M4 crossing the Severn. Spare a thought for a minute, Ok a few seconds. Oh alright then 0.000275 seconds for our poor cousins in Wales. Well I was reffering the the general supporters. One is a bit wealthier than his mates.
Wales is slowly returning to it's former beauty before industry took hold and ruined it. The country is slowly discovering tourism and by and large there are some extremely pretty parts that are worth visiting. Non of em around Newport though.
Even the heads of the Valleys more entertaining with quite a few visitor hotspots springing up. The delightful narrow gauge line The Brecon Mountain Railway which sits on the old Branch to Torpantau. Also the Pontypool and Bleanavon Railways which Is close to linking Bleanavon to Brynmawr. With the Big Pit Coal mine museum. This area in the summer sun is really beautiful.
Or progress beyond Swansea to Little England beyond Wales to the county of Pembrokeshire and Carmarthenshire where you will find some of the best beaches in the UK and scenery to take your breath away. Unlike Newport where the atmosphere will take your breath away.
So we go into this match still looking for form. Newport have had a good start to their first season for many years in league two. I amagine a lot has changed for them since they last graced the league. it all seems so different to the days when they last saw action against us. It seemed in those days as if division 4 was such a llowly status that most clubs thought those in that division were not worth taking notice of. It's all changed these days. We are all much higher profile.
There are a few names well known to all of us that My Edinburuga (well that's what Aussies calll Endinbourgh.) And he has built a team of strength and depth. Zebroski. Pipe.Byron Anthony. Lenny Pidgely.Andy Sandell are names that we should remember from Either our neighbours Bristol Rovers or As better known names in our League. They have a decent squad of 22. With the money to back the manager up. much more than even we have by far.
Again though they seem to have a leakier defense than they should have and i doubt this will be a scoreless draw. I think goals will fly in hopefully for us if we can find our feet. I am not panicking yet. (yes i am yes I am but not for those reasons. keep taking th tablets bouy)
They have recently brought in Billy Jones from Cheltenham to cover for Andy Sandell after Sandell injured his thigh. With Byron Anthony Also ruled out untill the new year They have problems in defense and we may have a good chance to get something out of this game.
Lee Minshull will also likely be missing due to suspension after he was sent off against mansfield. with Midfielder Max Porter out with a Groin problem they have also brought in Max Burge from Port Vale at the start of the season. who has one of the more unusual starts to a footballing career. he also has another notable tie with Cheltenham Town who he actualy played for as his grandfather is a director of Cheltenham. They should be stronger than we are but football is a funny game and we can turn them over if we apply ourselves..
We still have to sort out scoring. nothing happenin in this department at the moment. This is our main failing. without goals we will fail to be any sort of threat to any team. The defense is coping well and soaks up most pressure but can't do it all. Midfield according to many fans could do a better job supporting our strike force but it remains to be seen what AK and Brassy will do come the transfer window.
Many clubs have said they wont be looking to get any new players as things are still so tight. we may be one of them but I wonder if we may yet be tempted to inject a little fresh blood to get us jump started.
As i scrawl this drivel I have no news whatsoever of just who the officials are but I suppose that they will be the standard referee who should be an extra for spec savers and linesmen who wouldn't know one end of a football pitch from a Big Mac. Coming to think of it. A Big Mac may well be groomed from the grass surface. and be just as tasteless.
I know Steve Bread is running coaches and possibly a few morris miners (well it is Welsh Wales look you) there and for a reasonable price They will serve all areas from the Russian Steppes to the Scilly Isles. Full English breakfast and dinner will be served. (well a cuppa and curled up sandwich from last weeks trip to Rochdale ). even including the Visa aplication. please make sure your passports are vaild and up to date. They don't allow ugly mugs there. They might detract from the uglier mugs in Newport.
Departs Paignton Railway Station @ am
Departs Torquay Coach Station @ am
Departs Newton Abbot Penn Inn @ am
Departs Exeter Service Area M5 @ am
Fares are £3005 for adults and £1500 for under 12's.
Exact times to be filled in later. as are fares. although if you want to contribute £3005 then please feel free. Steve hasn't had a decent holiday in Barbados in years.
If you are interested in following the mighty Gulls up to Newport then contact 07861 907090. As always, thankyou for your continued
Support.
If Taking the train. Take the service to Bristol TM and change for services to Cardiff. There is a decent service for a Saturday. If your walking. You had better start now!
The Food is standard fare but is run by the rugby club and is a tad expensive. although plentiful. with a good variety. at least there was when I was there.
I did try to ask Lee if they were all up for carrying on with the soap oera started by Andy . But he ran off into the distance at a rate which would have done Usain Bolt proud shouting out something about an insane northern nutter who spoke weird words so Northenders will have to wait another week untill he is retaken hostage, How did he get out anyway? bsesides I like choccy bars and I will have em all to myself.
Ah well I suppose I had better stop now. My Sanetogen has arrived. with my cocoa. Them nurses are so caring. And my room is lovely and warm with such nice padding on the walls, much better than wallpaper.
Tata Folks.
Shame I can't do this trip. I so looked forward to a curled up sandwich. But see you all soon. :na:
