Whinge, Moan, Rant And Anything Else Put It Here ...

[westbaygull]

Rain and fog together always make me a bit weary....

[EmetEdadsBeard]

Oh dear, back to driving.

Late teen/early 20s blonde bimbo's who drive ALL the way around roundabouts in the outside lane then having just missing broadsiding me as I cut across them (in the correct lane) blare their horn at me.
LEARN TO USE ROUNDABOUTS AND JUNCTIONS CORRECTLY YOU THICK,USELESS GET!
GERCHA :evil:

[HRG]

Beer! It lies making you feel all is well with the world, then punishes you in the morning.
It's all beer's fault that I am suffering this morning
If my children really loved me wouldn't they realise that their dearest mama is feeling a bit delicate and keep the noise down?
Also my tea went cold. I don't like cold tea and I spilt some of it on my leg so now I have soggy pyjamas.
Beverages, alcoholic or otherwise are out to get me.
:-|
Just to add, to my darling husband who put an empty paracetamol blister pack back in the box and put the box back in the medicine basket :slap:

[Trojan 67]

Beer! It lies making you feel all is well with the world, then punishes you in the morning.
It's all beer's fault that I am suffering this morning
If my children really loved me wouldn't they realise that their dearest mama is feeling a bit delicate and keep the noise down?
Also my tea went cold. I don't like cold tea and I spilt some of it on my leg so now I have soggy pyjamas.
Beverages, alcoholic or otherwise are out to get me.
:-|
Just to add, to my darling husband who put an empty paracetamol blister pack back in the box and put the box back in the medicine basket :slap:

Good job you said beer, otherwise the Magners Mafia would be calling you over. :slap:

[HRG]

Don't like cider :na:

[Trojan 67]

Get back in the Kitchen ! :whip:

[EmetEdadsBeard]

Fookin 12 year old kids who swear and moan at you while you are trying to help them, and wont behave like normal fookin human beings!
Feckin spoilt, obnoxious brats!!

[Richinns]

Old people who cannot drive!!!!

[ferrarilover]

Old people who cannot drive!!!!

You see that ^^^^^ Beardy, he's having a go at you, punch his lights out. Or, as an alternative punishment, wait until he is in a hurry to get to work, then get into your W plated, vivid purple Rover 25 and proceed to drive at 28mph regardless of the limit or the conditions while endlessly indicating to turn right but never actually doing so. Then, when you get to a roundabout with clear visibility for 300 miles in each direction, still choose to stop dead still and wait to make sure you haven't missed anything before slowly pulling out.

That was a long joke. Now the rant.

Old people, if you are too old/infirm/frail to open a can of pickles onions, you are too **** ing old to operate a complex piece of lethal machinery among decent, ordinary, unsuspecting members of Her Majesty's public.
If your cataracts are so worn and cloudy that you fail to recognise your own children from a distance of 18 inches, your **** ing eye sight is not good enough to allow you to drive on roads at all, especially those with a limit (or target) of 70mph.
If your mind is so addled with age that you are still trying to make a word out of the Countdown Conundrum (correct capitalisation?) at the end of Deal or No Deal, you are too **** ing mentally slow to drive in a situation where, on average, you are asked to make 300 conscious judgements and decisions a minute.

Tiny blonde women. If you are so short that you can give your boyfriend a blowjob while standing up, DO NOT under any circumstances, buy a Range Rover. You will not be able to see out. This, because you are thick as 9 short planks, will not perturb you, but it will me when you crash into my nice shiny car. The excuse that you did not see me will not wash. My car is bright **** ing orange, it is visible from the moon. Spend your money on a Dayrider ticket instead.

People at petrol stations who refuse to go to a pump on the 'wrong' side. Are you some sort of ****? The **** ing hoses stretch far enough that it doesn't matter which side you go to! Don't give me all this old bollocks about not wanting to damage your car. It's a 1997 Peugeot 406 covered in bird shit and with an exhaust centre section held on with knicker elastic.

People who see my bright bi-xenon lights approaching at high speed and slow down at night. I'm not a **** ing copper. How many police forces do you know who are stupid enough to use a car with paintwork AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN as an unmarked police car? "On no Your Honour, I never saw the police car behind me, it blended in so well with the scenery and other traffic!"

Kids on mopeds who insist on riding in the centre of the lane at 9mph. It's a **** ing hairdryer with wheels you ****, get off and walk, it'll be faster and less embarrassing.

Kids with 'maxx'd' cars. You lot are ****. I don't give a **** what 'individual' body kit you stick on it, it's a **** ing Corsa, the worst car Beelzebub ever made. I know because I've driven one. ****, I owned one for almost a year, they're shit. They're worse than shit, they're so bad it must be deliberate and adding weight and aerodynamic resistance with your "performance modifications" won't **** ing help the situation. Equally, if you'd spent longer concentrating in physics class and less time fantasising about pulling 13 year old girls by doing handbrake turns in McDonalds car park, you might have learned that, far from making your car faster, fitting massive wheels to your shitbox car has the effect of gearing it up, making it even slower than before.
If I happen to pull up next to you at a set of traffic lights, I do not want to race you. This is for several very good reasons. Firstly, motor racing on public ways is an offence contrary to s12 (1) of the Road Traffic Offences Act 1988. Secondly, it's dangerous because you are not, repeat NOT, anywhere near as good a driver as you think you are. Yes, I'm sure Lewis Hamilton does make it look easy and yes, to all intents and purposes he is doing exactly the same thing you are, but he's not though really, is he? Thirdly, I know more about cars than you, so I already know if my car is faster than yours or not. The chances are, unless you've fitted a jet engine, mine's quicker. A. I don't therefore need to prove it by engaging in illegal and dangerous activity with you and B. I DON'T CARE. If, on the other hand, your car is faster than mine, I'm not going to let you massage your own ego by racing you and giving you another story to tell your dim witted mates.

Anyone who feels as I do about the above should go here >>> www.barryboys.co.uk
The language is appalling sometimes, but by 'eck it's funny.

When it's foggy or getting dark or its raining heavily or any other situation where it might be appropriate, put your **** ing lights on! Yes, I'm certain that you can see about 8 feet in front of the car, bully for you, but A. You need to be able to see further than that, you retard and B. your lights are for MY benefit, not yours. It's free to run them, there's no tax on it (yet), just turn them on, it's one switch and that switch is conveniently located and simple to operate, even someone stupid enough to walk into a BMW garage and then drive out in something other than an M3 should be able to manage it.

Smokers. If you must burden decent society with your habit, do not throw your **** ing fag ends out of the window of a car. It's fitted with an ashtray, use it., If you don't like fag butts in your motor, think how the rest of us feel when we have to share enclosed spaces with you while you smile at us with your black and yellow teeth and stale breath and your clothes which stink like you stole them from a corpse dredged up from a riverbed months post mortem and you indicate things to us with your rancid, yellow fingers. Just **** ing stop it.

If I am in a hurry and you are driving Miss Daisy and I overtake you in a safe and legal manner, DO NOT have the **** ing temerity to flash your headlights at me. I have a large bat in my boot, next person who does that will face a bill for two new headlamp units. Equally, if I am in the process of overtaking and you are coming the other way but you are so far away that I am a mere speck on the horizon, DO NOT have the bollocks to flash at me and call me a wanker. I have no desire to have a head on collision. I have not just pulled out wily nilly. I know how fast my car is. I can judge speed and distance thanks to the miracle of a set of fully functioning eyes and a brain. I do not start an overtaking manoeuvre with the phrase, "God willing, I will make this pass." This rule applies especially if it is dark. If you flash your lights at me, I will flash mine at you and you will not like it. You will go blind and if you don't you'll wish you had. My lights are insanely bright. They are so powerful they can see through concrete walls. Do not play the, 'who can switch off their lights the latest?' game with me because I will not switch mine off and you will be without sight for the rest of your life and it will be your fault and I will laugh.

Matt.

[Southampton Gull]

People who obviously need counselling to enable them to channel their anger issues but evade therapy

[Trojan 67]

People who obviously need counselling to enable them to channel their anger issues but evade therapy

Is the partaking on a regular basis of Magners not therapy ? :~D

[Southampton Gull]

Is the partaking on a regular basis of Magners not therapy ? :~D

I've always had Matt down as a lemonade drinker

[happytorq]

If I am in a hurry and you are driving Miss Daisy and I overtake you in a safe and legal manner, DO NOT have the f**k ing temerity to flash your headlights at me. I have a large bat in my boot, next person who does that will face a bill for two new headlamp units. Equally, if I am in the process of overtaking and you are coming the other way but you are so far away that I am a mere speck on the horizon, DO NOT have the bollocks to flash at me and call me a wanker. I have no desire to have a head on collision. I have not just pulled out wily nilly. I know how fast my car is. I can judge speed and distance thanks to the miracle of a set of fully functioning eyes and a brain. I do not start an overtaking manoeuvre with the phrase, "God willing, I will make this pass." This rule applies especially if it is dark. If you flash your lights at me, I will flash mine at you and you will not like it. You will go blind and if you don't you'll wish you had. My lights are insanely bright. They are so powerful they can see through concrete walls. Do not play the, 'who can switch off their lights the latest?' game with me because I will not switch mine off and you will be without sight for the rest of your life and it will be your fault and I will laugh.

Matt.

I'm going to look at this one:

As long as you're doing this on a road that had dotted lines (at least dual lines with dots on your side of the road) then that is ok. Don't overtake when you shouldn't. That actually really pisses me off - people who overtake when it clears contra-indicated by the road markings.
Actually, those silly bright lights piss me off too be honest. I think you I saw them from over here the other day!

[EmetEdadsBeard]

You see that ^^^^^ Beardy, he's having a go at you, punch his lights out. Or, as an alternative punishment, wait until he is in a hurry to get to work, then get into your W plated, vivid purple Rover 25 and proceed to drive at 28mph regardless of the limit or the conditions while endlessly indicating to turn right but never actually doing so. Then, when you get to a roundabout with clear visibility for 300 miles in each direction, still choose to stop dead still and wait to make sure you haven't missed anything before slowly pulling out.

That was a long joke. Now the rant.

Old people, if you are too old/infirm/frail to open a can of pickles onions, you are too f**k ing old to operate a complex piece of lethal machinery among decent, ordinary, unsuspecting members of Her Majesty's public.
If your cataracts are so worn and cloudy that you fail to recognise your own children from a distance of 18 inches, your f**k ing eye sight is not good enough to allow you to drive on roads at all, especially those with a limit (or target) of 70mph.
If your mind is so addled with age that you are still trying to make a word out of the Countdown Conundrum (correct capitalisation?) at the end of Deal or No Deal, you are too f**k ing mentally slow to drive in a situation where, on average, you are asked to make 300 conscious judgements and decisions a minute.

Tiny blonde women. If you are so short that you can give your boyfriend a blowjob while standing up, DO NOT under any circumstances, buy a Range Rover. You will not be able to see out. This, because you are thick as 9 short planks, will not perturb you, but it will me when you crash into my nice shiny car. The excuse that you did not see me will not wash. My car is bright f**k ing orange, it is visible from the moon. Spend your money on a Dayrider ticket instead.

People at petrol stations who refuse to go to a pump on the 'wrong' side. Are you some sort of c**t? The f**k ing hoses stretch far enough that it doesn't matter which side you go to! Don't give me all this old bollocks about not wanting to damage your car. It's a 1997 Peugeot 406 covered in bird sh*t and with an exhaust centre section held on with knicker elastic.

People who see my bright bi-xenon lights approaching at high speed and slow down at night. I'm not a f**k ing copper. How many police forces do you know who are stupid enough to use a car with paintwork AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN as an unmarked police car? "On no Your Honour, I never saw the police car behind me, it blended in so well with the scenery and other traffic!"

Kids on mopeds who insist on riding in the centre of the lane at 9mph. It's a f**k ing hairdryer with wheels you c**t, get off and walk, it'll be faster and less embarrassing.

Kids with 'maxx'd' cars. You lot are c**t. I don't give a f**k what 'individual' body kit you stick on it, it's a f**k ing Corsa, the worst car Beelzebub ever made. I know because I've driven one. f**k, I owned one for almost a year, they're sh*t. They're worse than sh*t, they're so bad it must be deliberate and adding weight and aerodynamic resistance with your "performance modifications" won't f**k ing help the situation. Equally, if you'd spent longer concentrating in physics class and less time fantasising about pulling 13 year old girls by doing handbrake turns in McDonalds car park, you might have learned that, far from making your car faster, fitting massive wheels to your sh*t car has the effect of gearing it up, making it even slower than before.
If I happen to pull up next to you at a set of traffic lights, I do not want to race you. This is for several very good reasons. Firstly, motor racing on public ways is an offence contrary to s12 (1) of the Road Traffic Offences Act 1988. Secondly, it's dangerous because you are not, repeat NOT, anywhere near as good a driver as you think you are. Yes, I'm sure Lewis Hamilton does make it look easy and yes, to all intents and purposes he is doing exactly the same thing you are, but he's not though really, is he? Thirdly, I know more about cars than you, so I already know if my car is faster than yours or not. The chances are, unless you've fitted a jet engine, mine's quicker. A. I don't therefore need to prove it by engaging in illegal and dangerous activity with you and B. I DON'T CARE. If, on the other hand, your car is faster than mine, I'm not going to let you massage your own ego by racing you and giving you another story to tell your dim witted mates.

Anyone who feels as I do about the above should go here >>> http://www.barryboys.co.uk
The language is appalling sometimes, but by 'eck it's funny.

When it's foggy or getting dark or its raining heavily or any other situation where it might be appropriate, put your f**k ing lights on! Yes, I'm certain that you can see about 8 feet in front of the car, bully for you, but A. You need to be able to see further than that, you retard and B. your lights are for MY benefit, not yours. It's free to run them, there's no tax on it (yet), just turn them on, it's one switch and that switch is conveniently located and simple to operate, even someone stupid enough to walk into a BMW garage and then drive out in something other than an M3 should be able to manage it.

Smokers. If you must burden decent society with your habit, do not throw your f**k ing fag ends out of the window of a car. It's fitted with an ashtray, use it., If you don't like fag butts in your motor, think how the rest of us feel when we have to share enclosed spaces with you while you smile at us with your black and yellow teeth and stale breath and your clothes which stink like you stole them from a corpse dredged up from a riverbed months post mortem and you indicate things to us with your rancid, yellow fingers. Just f**k ing stop it.

If I am in a hurry and you are driving Miss Daisy and I overtake you in a safe and legal manner, DO NOT have the f**k ing temerity to flash your headlights at me. I have a large bat in my boot, next person who does that will face a bill for two new headlamp units. Equally, if I am in the process of overtaking and you are coming the other way but you are so far away that I am a mere speck on the horizon, DO NOT have the bollocks to flash at me and call me a wanker. I have no desire to have a head on collision. I have not just pulled out wily nilly. I know how fast my car is. I can judge speed and distance thanks to the miracle of a set of fully functioning eyes and a brain. I do not start an overtaking manoeuvre with the phrase, "God willing, I will make this pass." This rule applies especially if it is dark. If you flash your lights at me, I will flash mine at you and you will not like it. You will go blind and if you don't you'll wish you had. My lights are insanely bright. They are so powerful they can see through concrete walls. Do not play the, 'who can switch off their lights the latest?' game with me because I will not switch mine off and you will be without sight for the rest of your life and it will be your fault and I will laugh.

Matt.

Oh dear, someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning.

Oh, and I'm not old, I dont wear or need spectacles of any description yet, and have never owned a Rover. Or ANYTHING in homosexual bright orange.

Pretty much agree with the rest of it though.................

[ferrarilover]

My car is deeply heterosexual Electric Orange with a hint of 'happy to play gay before bed' although Ford leave out the last bit.

Happy, I was very particular to use the phrase "safe and legal." This (with the exception of adherence to the number on the stick) is always the first question in my mind, is the overtake safe and legal? If yes, we move to stage II, if not,it's change into 6th, bide your time.
The lights on the ST are normal, if very very blue on regular lights, it's only on full beam that they can cast a shadow on Mars.

Dave,

Magners is pretty terrible really. It's the cider equivalent of Fosters, all made in a laboratory rather than a shed. I like cider, but only if it's got bits of twig(gy) in it and the occassional sod of earth at the bottom of the bottle. Mmmmmm, speciality ciiiiider.

Matt.