FUNNY Jokes, FUNNY Tubes & FUNNY Video Clips

Post by **Louis** » 26 Apr 2014, 22:58

To cheer you guys up after relegation...

a blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" the bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, sir, i think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: 1- the bartender is a blonde girl. 2- the bouncer is a blonde girl. 3- i'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4- the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. 5- the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. now think about it seriously, mis ter. do you still wanna tell that joke?" the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "nah. not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times

EmetEdadsBeard · Post by **EmetEdadsBeard** » 27 Apr 2014, 00:18

Louis wrote:To cheer you guys up after relegation...

a blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" the bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, sir, i think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: 1- the bartender is a blonde girl. 2- the bouncer is a blonde girl. 3- i'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4- the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. 5- the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. now think about it seriously, mis ter. do you still wanna tell that joke?" the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "nah. not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times

See page 3 Louis, you didn't read this thread enough before Gullscorer appeared and killed it stone dead...... :-|

Post by **Scott Brehaut** » 27 Apr 2014, 00:37

A man is walking along the sand on a beach when he sees a quadriplegic woman crying to herself.
Being a nice chap, he walks up and asks her what's wrong.

"I've never been hugged" replies the woman.

The man figures it would be a nice thing to do, so he picks her up and gives her a hug. The woman smiles and thanks him, then, when he puts her down she begins to cry again.

"What's the matter now?" asks the man.

"I've never been kissed" came the reply.

The man leans down and kisses the woman on the lips for a brief moment.

The woman smiles then starts sobbing again.

The man starts to get cross, but again asks her what is making her upset.

"Well, I have no arms and legs and so nobody finds me attractive enough to want to **** me" replies the woman.

The man picks up the woman and carries her down to the waves, then throws her into the water.
The man yells at the woman "well, you're **** now."

Post by **Louis** » 27 Apr 2014, 08:32

EmetEdadsBeard wrote: See page 3 Louis, you didn't read this thread enough before Gullscorer appeared and killed it stone dead...... :-|

That's an Irish alternative to the 'walked into bar gag' not a blonde, unless it's buried in another page.

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 30 Apr 2014, 00:28

EmetEdadsBeard wrote: See page 3 Louis, you didn't read this thread enough before Gullscorer appeared and killed it stone dead...... :-|

I object. It was me who kept this thread alive. Read through all my hilarious jokes over the past dozen pages.. Or perhaps an old curmudgeon like you has no sense of humour..??

=D

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 30 Apr 2014, 00:33

I expect this one's been told before, too:

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Glostergull · Post by **Glostergull** » 04 Jun 2014, 00:27

I well remember when i got my first remote controlled TV. I held the remote and thought to myself. This is going to change everything.

Glostergull · Post by **Glostergull** » 04 Jun 2014, 00:29

what does CS Lewis keep in his wardrobe.

Wait for it.

it's coming

You asked for it.

That's Narnia Business.
There you are. an edurcashunal joke. That tort yoo a lesson

Glostergull · Post by **Glostergull** » 04 Jun 2014, 00:34

We live in such a rough area that we have even got a problem with ducks on drugs,. They have been caught with Qauck Cocaine.

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 04 Jun 2014, 09:09

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 04 Jun 2014, 10:57

An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbours' dog whilst the neighbours went on their holidays.

The only problem was that the spinster's own dog was a bitch that was in 'heat' and the neighbours' dog was a male. Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating. The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage. Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.

Although it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings his rather grumpy voice answered the phone. The spinster explained the problem.

The vet said, "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

"Oh," said the spinster, "Do you think that will work?"

"Well," the vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME...!!"

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 20 Jun 2014, 00:13

Fake smiles :~D :

And, how to speak like an Indian:

[youtube]SY1vJTZgHRI[/youtube]

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 20 Jun 2014, 14:48

The Truly Organised Traffic of India:
[youtube]MLJih4h9CZU[/youtube]

How to do business in India:
[youtube]dKkryfdtMNQ[/youtube]

And European style:
[youtube]so-CgX3MAaQ[/youtube]

And Japanese (High-Tech..!!..):

Gullscorer · Post by **Gullscorer** » 25 Jun 2014, 10:13

How to eat with the hands:

[youtube]aFnwlb8Ao5c[/youtube]

Glostergull · Post by **Glostergull** » 27 Jun 2014, 21:05

Latest weather report from the Met office. A small shower of dross is due today from Brazil

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