EmetEdadsBeard wrote: ↑28 Feb 2017, 21:16
So I says to Mrs Beard, "lets go out to eat tonight."
She came back with the classic, "I have nothing to wear" reply.
So I said to her, "just wear what you had on the last time we went out, you looked beautiful."
So there we were in the local Italian restaurant, me in jeans and a nice shirt, and her in her wedding dress!
You see? Jokes don't have to be disgustingly dirty and crude to be funny.
Two couples were playing cards.
Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor, and when he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave’s wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear!
Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, “Did you see anything under the table that you liked?”
Jeff admitted, “Well, yes I did.”
She said “you can have it, but it will cost you £100.”
After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested.
She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn’t, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM.
After paying her the £100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.
Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, “Did Jeff come by this afternoon?”
Totally shocked, Sandy replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”
Next Dave asked, “Did Jeff give you £100?”
Sandy thought, ‘Oh hell, he knows!’ Reluctantly she said, “Yes, he did give me £100.”
“Good,” Dave says.
“Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the £100 from me and said that he’d stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It’s so good to have a friend you can trust.” :-o
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!
Little 5 year old Mary sees a group of workmen turn up next door to build an extension.
She takes an interest and starts to talk to them. The builders, with hearts if gold, adopt her as their site mascot. After a week they present her with a Pink hard hat and gloves. Even a wage packet of £5.
"Goodness" says Mummy smiling, "are you working there next week?".
Mary replies: "I think so Mummy, provided those w**kers at Travis Perkins deliver the f**kin bricks!!". :Oops:
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!
