Ron and Billy have image issues. Ron has a club foot and Billy has a humped back. But they try to make the most of life and every Tuesday they go to the local disco. But they are never successful with the ladies and always end up walking home together. This in itself shows the depth of friendship shared, given Rons foot. They always call for a bag of chips and always walk past but never through the haunted graveyard. Never ever through the haunted graveyard. It's said the Devil comes out and gets you.
One night Billy has had enough.
"Fook it" he says " I'm going through the graveyard
"Don't be stupid" says Ron "the Devil is in there and he'll have you"
"So fookin what?" says Billy "what can he do..........do you know how many times i've been called Quasi tonight. And how Carol wi the big uns tells me not to get hump on cos she won't dance wi me. And that cvnt of a DJ puts Tubular Bells on as his last record just to get a laugh?. I'm telling you, nothing could be worse than this. I'm goin through the graveyard. Devil or no Devil."
And Billy walks through the graveyard gates away from Ron, who is speechless.
Billy walks through the graveyard muttering to himself until he reaches the very centre.
Then FLASH! The Devil appears.
Both look each other over and Billy eventually breaks the silence.
"Who are you?" he says.
"I'm the Devil" says the Devil " who are you?".
"I'm Billy"says Billy
"Oh right" says the Devil, continuing to look him over.
"What's that on your back?" says the Devil.
Billy is bemused but cranes his neck round and says " I have not got anything on my back. It's my hump.".
"Right" says the Devil "I'm having that!" and promptly takes Billys hump.
A week later and it's disco time again. Ron has not heard from Billy and has made his way down hoping to meet his friend. He does not see him in the pub and sits at a table consoling himself with drink. The disco is the same, the people are the same and the music is the same. Except carol with the big uns is dancing with someone new. Not just dancing either. She is pressing her big uns against him and her tongue is more often than not down the mans throat.
"Billy would be major jealous now" thought Ron.
But wait. The man has turned to Ron and is walking across smiling. He looks familiar.
"Fook me" says Ron as he at last recognises him. Its you Billy.......................without a hump!!!!!
After a lot of smiles and excitement Billy eventually tells Ron what happened.
"And he took your hump" says Ron " he really took your hump?"
"Sure did" says Billy.
Ron looks at Billy for a long time and says "If I went down the haunted graveyard tonight do you think the Devil would take my clubfoot?".
"Sure to" says Billy with his hand down Carol with the big uns top", get down there, get him seen and get back next week and the world is your oyster".
Ron does not even finish his pint. He is gone, heading for the haunted graveyard and a sure a better future.
He enters through the gate and walks to the middle.
Sure enough. FLASH! There is a huge flash of light and the Devil appears.
Both look each other over.
Ron breaks the silence.
"Who are you?" says Ron.
"I'm the Devil" says the Devil, continuing to look Ron over "what's that on your back".
"On my back?" says Ron craning his neck round "why.............there's nothing on my back".
"Here then" says the Devil "have a hump".
'Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with their experience!
