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The above joke . . .



Oops, we're on a new page, so the previous from Westy :

Why, thank you T67. here's another from my vast collection -

A woman was standing in front of a mirror, desperately upset at her image. 'My boobs are saggy', she wailed to her husband. 'My skin is getting wrinkled, my knees are podgy and I really feel I am approaching middle age. Please tell me one positive thing, so that I can feel better about myself?'

'Well', replied the husband thoughtfully. 'At least you have perfect vision....'





Boom tshhhhhh. By the way, this is completely fictional and not based on a true story :Oops:

A man walks into a restaurant and says 'I think I'm a moth, can you help me?'
'Sorry, sir', replies the waiter, 'this is a restaurant, the surgery is next door. Why have you come in here?'
'Because the light was on.......'

Woah there young lady, too much too soon.

SG Dave and forevertufc have marked my card about you. They say you are a very pleasant refreshing lady indeed and a joy to be in the company of.

I did get that right didn't I lads ?

Farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts, "Heyop cock, tha dun wanna b' drinkin watta from theer, it's full of hoss piss and cow shite. Yall get ill and die."

Bloke says, "I'm from Pakistan, can you speak clearly and slowly."

Farmer says, "OK. IF - YOU - USE - BOTH - HANDS - MY - FRIEND - YOU - WONT - SPILL - A - DROP."

Heard on an Alzeimers sufferers rights march in Donny this week--

(Leader)"What do we want?"
(Chorus) "F*ck knows"
(Leader)"When do we want it?"
(Chorus)"Want what?"

Jonathan Ross has been arrested and charged with shoplifting a kitchen utensil. When asked why a millionaire would steal such a cheap item he said it was a whisk he was prepared to take......................... :mrgreen:

Apparently Gary Glitter is getting a season ticket next year at Villa. He has heard the strikers are Young, Bent and maybe Keane

Due to the continuing water shortages in Ireland all Dublin swimming baths have closed lanes 7 and 8.

dazgull wrote:Due to the continuing water shortages in Ireland all Dublin swimming baths have closed lanes 7 and 8.

Now that did make me laugh

Have you seen the circus clown in Tesco that hides from ugly people ?

Yes, he said he was avoiding you

:Oops: :Oops: :Oops:

Donald Duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for some condoms.

Receptionist says, "Shall I put them on your bill ?"

Donald : "Don't be thuckin thupid, I'll thuffocate !"

At the adult cinema a bloke noticed an attractive young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her miniskirt and playing with herself furiously. He moved to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed it and his hands went to work furiously. When he grew tired and withdrew his hands, he vigorously wiped her odour into his full beard, then was surprised to see her go back to work on herself again with both hands.

“Wasn t I good enough ?” he said.

“Fantastic,” she said, “but these crabs are still itching.”