TorquayFans.com | Torquay United Fans Forum

My idea of a perfect life would be . . .

1. Not having to work,but having all my bills paid.
2. Spending all day walking around in my pyjamas.
3. Driving my car without paying insurance, MOT and Road Tax.
4. Shouting racist abuse at anyone I choose.
5. Knowing that no matter how much of a c*nt I am, the Police will only ever arrest people who disagree with me.



All I need to do now is to convert to Islam.

Trojan 67 wrote:My idea of a perfect life would be . . .

1. Not having to work,but having all my bills paid.
2. Spending all day walking around in my pyjamas.
3. Driving my car without paying insurance, MOT and Road Tax.
4. Shouting racist abuse at anyone I choose.
5. Knowing that no matter how much of a c*nt I am, the Police will only ever arrest people who disagree with me.



All I need to do now is become an Exeter City supporter.

Edited to show correct statement. :~D

scottbrehaut wrote: Edited to show correct statement. :~D

I was going to say you know how to f*ck up a joke that isn't a joke.

It's worse than that Scotty, much worse. You've f*cked up a perfectly good dig by paraphrasing it with an excellent dig.

Unforgivable.

I was in the pub with the Mrs last night and I said "I love you" She said "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied "It's me-talking to the beer"!

Just got back from Scarborough, never again!
On the seafront there was a man and a woman having a shouting match until the woman smacked the bloke in the head and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm it down he starts tvvatting the bloke with his baton, but the bloke wrestles the baton off the copper and starts hitting him AND his wife with it!












Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages!

I met a girl in the park the other night. There was an instant spark between us and she fell trembling at my feet. As we lay there making love, I thought . . .


"This taser gun was money well spent !"

Sadly my daughters hamster died,first reports sugest it died at the wheel.

The dog got out, I spent half hour shouting her name in the local park, but she didn't come back.
My wife said I should try to look a bit harder, so I shaved my head and had a couple of tattoo's done.
Still couldn't find the dog though..................
=D

Blonde wants to send a message to her mother overseas. The man told her it would cost £300! "I dont have £300, but I'd do anything to get a message to my mother." "Anything?" said the man. "Yes anything" promised the blonde. "Follow me" said the man" now get down on your knees, pull down my zip, & gently take out my penis." She reached in & gently with both hands held his penis. The man closed his eyes and sai "Well, go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to his penis. While holding it close to her lips she whispered......."Hello mum, can you hear me?" :devil:

What's the difference between Fagin and Arsene Wenger ?




When Fagin sent his kids out, they returned with silverware.

Anagram of Mother in law ?


Woman Hitler


It must be coincidence.

Paddy- "I'm getting operated on tomorrow"
Seamus "Oh, what are they going to do?"
Paddy "Circumcise me"
Seamus " I had that done when I was a few days old"
Paddy "Does it hurt?"
Seamus " I couldn't walk for a year!"

Following the outbreaks of violence in Egypt and Libya, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Bradford and Keighley, killing anyone who is of British descent. Police believe the death toll could be as high as five or even six......................

My mate Paddy was baffled by his orange penis. His doctor asked him if anyone else in his family has the same problem. "No" says Paddy. "Do you handle any chemicals or dyes at work? asks the doctor. "No, I haven't got a job" replies Paddy. "Well what do you do all day?" asks the doc.
"Watch porn and eat Nik Naks" says Paddy................... :-o :-o :-o