Our predicament this season has been brought about by the following:
1. The issues with Martin Ling at the back end of last season which led to Alan Knill being given the job.
2. Alan Knill not making the best use of his playing budget although I do accept that his feet were pulled from under him on a few occasions by the board with regards players he wanted to bring in. Knill had to work with some of Lings total duds like Bodin who has been an embarrassment, Nathan Craig who has talent so I'm told. Playing football isn't one of them. Also there is Tom Cruise who may as well get a job modelling beachwear for Freemans. I mean he's a decent looking geezer* but can't play footy to save his **** life. Playing professional football is just one mission too far for Tommy.
* this in no way implies I favour the male sex
Of the players already here that have proven themselves in the past to be capable at this level, Knill shipped out Damon Lathrope on loan when we were crying out for a holding midfielder to steady things up, he contributed to turning Mansell from winner to whinger and he also rotated Nico so much that the poor bloke was eventually admitted into A&E at Torquay hospital suffering from dizzy spells. He also sent out the only player we have with real pace, Niall Thompson (who was really decent first half last night) on loan when we lack any pace going forward. Ashley Yeoman who has proved he can knock in a goal or two given a chance and a bit of service was dispensed with as Knill favoured his new attacking signings that turned out to be as potent as a 4 pack of Carlsberg.
Knill then proceeded to carefully assemble his squad adding the dangerously basic Dale Tonge at full back who is the polar opposite of Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab which actually gets better with every read. Tonge gets worse with every game. Ben Harding was brought in too and as soon as he pulled on the lemon shirt he turned into a midfield merangue. Soft on top (that'll be the hair wax), wobbly in the middle (as that is pretty much all he does - wobble about and jockey the opposition) and crumbly at the base (injury prone). To be fair to Ben he had a half decent game last night but overall I'd rather us have signed a couple of barn owls to do the same job. Sit around looking alert but also emitting pellets each time an opponent runs at them.
Karl Hawley came in too and I thought he would be just like a shit Nicolas Anelka but it transpired he is actually just shit. I don't want to say anymore really about Hawley because he hasn't had service and Goodwin at Chesterfield aside, he has provided me with one of the best goals I've seen this season away at Morecambe. Still shit though.
Jordan Chappell was the new Bodin! (Jesus have mercy on our souls). He came in with lots of top clubs looking at him. Looking being the operative word. I saw ability in Chappell but like Bodin, the player has to take some personal responsibility for completely wasting any talent that they possess and turning themselves into a laughing stock. Jordan has had plenty of opportunities like Bodin but just has failed big time. I mean how hard can it be to run at players and get decent crosses in? I still think Jordan can become a decent player but he needs to get his finger out of his sphincter and quick.
Courtney Cameron came in but to be fair to the lad he has struggled to adapt. I'm sure he will make a go of it somewhere but once again another player pulls on a lemon shirt and fails spectacularly. Joss Labadie possibly saved us last season but when he returned he saved himself. Didn't give a shit. Anthony O'Connor was signed initially on loan despite the international duty shenanigans and has looked a decent prospect in parts but has struggled of late. In a nutshell (that's for Gullscorer) Knill has signed some absolute dross and the only ones with any prospect of making it in the football league IMO are Pearce and Chappell. Even Pearce got changed around more times than Gok Wan on speed.
Add to this the uncanny knack Knill had of making truly bizarre decisions both on and off the pitch and it can be hypothesised that Mr Alan Knill had a large part to play in our relegation to the conference. (If we DO survive now then I DO promise that I shall go to Field Mill for our last away game in an item of womens clothing).
I'm sure Alan is a really nice man and he has a new job at Northampton and good luck to him but he let us down big time and there can be little argument about that.
3. The board playing silly buggers with possible transfer targets being lost due to Knill being called to the boardroom for a bit of jackanory about funds available or not as the case maybe. I must add here however that my feeling is that if Knill had been given 20 million to spend he still would have put together a team filled with jelly. Instead of Lionel Messi he'd sign Mr Messy, he'd sign Mr Lazy, Mr Jelly, Mr Bump, Mr Wrong, Mr Slow, Mr Muddle, Mr Dizzy, Mr Forgetful and Mr Clumsy. A team filled with Mr Men no less and managed by Mr Greedy and Mr Bounce (Knill and Brass respectively). An expensively assembled team of crack Mr Men but ultimately along came the missing link. The Mr Man to end all Mr Men. The colourful kids character that would define our season as a whole ------------- Mr Impossible.
And so it was to pass that instead of getting a few Mr Men on the cheap to do a job we ended up with a load of Little Misses instead. Not just in games, by Christ we've had some little misses and some HUMONGOUS misses including that one at the death on Saturday but no, we got a load of girls masquerading as footballers with the odd exception of course.
What I'm trying to say in not a very succinct manner is that I believe that regardless of how much money Knill was given he would still have bought poorly and the odd ones that turned out to be any good would end up having their confidence screwed to the ground by mismanagement.
4. The appointment of Chris Hargreaves has already turned out to be a gaffe of Jo Brand-esque proportions and his lack of common sense and a flippant burning ambition to go for broke when all is lost will see is remain in the conference for while to come. I'm not a football manager but like last night, I and many others were able to deduce that the game was petering out to a 1-0 loss and even a 1-1 draw wasn't really going to help us so I'd have just said **** it, let's go with a back 3, make a triple sub and chuck men forward. If we get done on the break then no harm done, we're going to lose anyway. That is what many people would have applauded, not least those who got back home at 5am this morning. Why plod Chris? We're going home with nothing again. Be decisive, there is absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. This has happened now on a number of occasions and it is this lack of urgency and bravery to stick his neck out and to **** with it all, give it your best shot mentality. I also don't like the overly camp wetsuit type skin tight training suit he wears on the touchline. Not a good look if I may add. I used to say to a mate at school who was from a rich family and had all the latest footballing paraphernalia but who was atrocious at playing the game. Same with golf too. We used to say, "ALL THE GEAR BUT NO IDEA".
Step forward Mr Hargreaves.
Obviously Chris was left a monumental task on his appointment but he believed he had the bollocks to get the players up for this. He hasn't been able to do so and for the most part it is because quite simply the players we have are absolutely awful but his managerial actions haven't really been one of a man desperately stretching every sinue to get us out of this hole. THAT is the disappointment, the surprise and the sadness. THAT is why he isn't the man we need to take us into the conference. I'm saying it now because when Knill kept us up those of us happy to go along with it were heavily criticised for turning on him when it went tits up. Well if I say now that I am unhappy with the appointment of Hargreaves going forward and I believe he won't succeed here then it's done and I'm not waiting half way through next season when it starts going belly up. I could be wrong of course, it is just my opinion. All I'm saying is that I have immense concerns in what is a critical season for us next season. Get it disastrously wrong and, well, it doesn't bear thinking about. The conference is a tough, tough place to be and although Chris was a combative player in his time with us, I have failed to spot any modicum of toughness thus far in his early days with us.
His loan signings have been totally woeful. Goodwin has been extraordinarily average other than his excellent goal at Chesterfield. Stockley should pack up now and go and retrain as a plumber or brickie or something. Preferably something that doesn't involve movement. Conor Wilkinson oh deary deary me, Enoch Showunmi is big and tall but can't play football Showunmi, Showunmi! He's big and tall but cannot play football Showunmi! Showunmi!. Poor poor additions to help kick us when we're down.
5. The players are just really, really, really shit and it doesn't seem to matter who replaces who, who plays where or anything. NOTHING works.
So there you have it. My reasons why we are rooted to the foot of the table and playing the worst football I have ever seen from any team in the history of football ever.
Now last night. Again we were predictable, boring and limited. We had a few decentish opportunities including a free kick from Mansell which was pushed round the post but largely we created the sum of my my bank balance. Nothing. For those of you who say according to the stats we had a million shots at goal then I can tell you that I only count the chances that we are slightly likely to get a goal from. A shot at goal that goes 20 metres wide isn't a goal threat. A header towards goal that bobbles 5 feet wide is not a goalscoring chance. Making the keeper work or peppering the goal with good efforts are chances and we did neither really. Same old same old.
We will probably manage to win a game or two more before the season is out as is probability but it's not enough and we aren't good enough or even lucky enough to grind out 3 or 4 wins from 7 now. In all honesty we deserve to go down and we can have no complaints. Not about luck or referees or anything. We've just been mindnumbingly poor all season. We've had umpteen chances to turn things around but have not taken any of those opportunities and so we are where we deserve to be.
Last night I really felt for those who came up from Devon and other southern counties as I got home at midnight and I was totally knackered and deflated. Not angry but the same feeling of resignation and acceptance I had since we were smashed out of sight up at Hartlepool. I had the utmost sympathy for them travelling home and I did get a bit angry at the club in some ways for not giving those fans anything back. Some have followed the club through thick and thin all over the country for years and yet they freeze season ticket prices and continue to give nothing back. Well last night I felt like urging fans to not bother buying a season ticket. The club are taking the piss and treating fans like cash cows and something has to be done about it. It's not right. Even a few token gestures other than the patronising free pint offer by Hargreaves will help ease the disillusionment some fans feel with the club right now.
Anyway, on the pitch we simply are not capable AS A TEAM AND AS A UNIT of all pulling together and getting some results, there are just too many weak links. We can't score goals and we can't keep clean sheets. We can't create and we can't get any good fortune either so where can you go from there really?
RICE 7 Did ok. Could have been quicker getting rid of the ball.
O'CONNOR 4 Not good at all.
NICHOLSON 4 Got skinned a lot and dispossessed a lot too but got stuck in.
DOWNES 7 Not as good as he was now but still largely reliable and was visibly disappointed when clapping us at the end.
PEARCE 8 Our best player once again. A rock.
BODIN 2 I still cannot believe we are paying this bloke. Had a really good first half on Saturday then backs it up with an anonymous second half and then a powder puff performance yesterday. It is just not acceptable ad hasn't been for 2 seasons. If for whatever reason Bodin is kept on next season I have to question my attendance. He would struggle to get another league 2 club IMO.
HARDING 5 Not the worst player on show. Thought he had a solid game.
THOMPSON 7 First half he gave them something to think about with his pace and created a number of good moves and crosses. He is still inconsistent and raw but defenders don't like pace and he is the one player who gives us what we have been crying out for all season. PACE MAN!!!! A threat first half. Faded badly second.
BENYON 4 Nothing really apart from the usual workrate.
SHOWUNMI 4 This man cannot control a football.
SUBS: Hargreaves once again starts with a pairing of Enoch and Eliott which does not work and leaves Yeoman on the bench. For the Newport game I would have started Yeoman. He hit th last gasp winner v Bury and will be full of confidence and then next game he gets benched again. Just start him for a bit and see if we get better. Give the lad a chance. The rest of our strikers couldn't score in a Plymouth nightclub! Bad decision to start with those two yesterday. Yeoman did sod all when he was on admittedly but we were just rubbish. Stockley then came on after 70 minutes and then I knew it was game up. Hargreaves saw fit to only use 2 subs.
Anyway, it was a good laugh all night. Good to stand with everyone again although Super kept knocking out some devastatingly pungent rectal gas which made me feel a bit sicky. Good to speak to Donnygull Tony again since Burton too and just enjoyed my night despite the footy.
I'll try and get to Brizzle should we win at Southend but if not it's Mansfield away for me then I'm done and ready for the conference to see who comes up from North/South and the like.
Top marks to all the Gulls there last night. Remarkable.
=D 
