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i never remember jokes so and unable to post any but all these have made me hoot on a boring monday morning at work!! cheers !!

Girls Aloud are said to be excited to be meeting the Arsenal squad. I mean, what girl wouldn't want to meet the men who can stay on top for 90minutes and still come second.

There was a man, and he was so thick! He was so thick that he got sacked from his Job working in a factory. He went home to tell his wife, he went in every room down stairs, no sign of his wife. He went upstairs, his wife was in the bedroom only with best mate! He was so angry about this, so the thick guy took out a gun that was in the bed side table. He put the gun to his head and said "I'm going to shoot myself!" Then his wife started laughing at him!? And the thick guy said, "I dunno why your laughing......your next!"

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a wank. I said to him "son, thats three schools this year. maybe teaching is not the carrer for you"

A bloke and a woman went on a date. At the end of the evening the bloke drove the woman back home.
She invited him in for a coffee and, before long it became obvious that they were going to "do the deed".

As they made their way to the bedroom the woman turned to the bloke and said "Before we go any further you need to know something about me - I am a little underdeveloped in the chest area, and my breasts are very small".

"Don't worry" replied the bloke, "I'm like a baby down below"

The woman removed her top and the bloke tried his best not to laugh at the woman's extremely small breasts.

He removed his trousers, looked up to see the woman collapse on the floor. As she came around she looked up at him and said "I thought you said your dick was like a baby"

"It is" the bloke replied "8lb 2oz"

At work, a friend of mine was telling me "I have been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have exams next week".

Me: "oh really!"

" For example" he said, "do you know who is Graham Bell?"

I said"No"

"He invented the telephone in 1876 ; if you take night courses you would know this."

The next day, the same discussion took place:

"Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?"

"No"

"He's the author of The 3 Musketeers, if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

"do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?"

"No"

" He's the author of Confessions, if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, i got irritated and said "Do you know who john james is?"

"No" he replied

"He is your neighbour, screwing your wife since five months ago. If you stop taking night courses, you would know this"

This article tickled me

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-15267798" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

yellow wrote:This article tickled me

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-15267798" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Did you turn up on your own?

Don’t be a tosser SG.

:ping: Mind that is the safest sex there is, whatever your age....

Easy Tiger.........

Peter Griffin has a check up . . .

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The wife came up to me this morning and said "what were you on the computer for so late last night?". i replied "i was looking for cheap flights". she thrilled with delight and kissed and cuddled me and then got down on her knees and gave me a great blowjob. "thanks darling" she said smiling as she walked out the room. i was obviously very happy but then thought why as she had never shown any interest in darts before.....

Good news for insomniacs - no sleeps left till Christmas

Scott Brehaut wrote:Good news for insomniacs - no sleeps left till Christmas

Seen that before somewhere

I'm sick of all these people who think they are worse off than everyone else.
A mate of mine severed his vocal chords and lost both legs in a car accident




But he doesn't make a song and dance about it!