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Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

paddy finds his wife in crotch-less panties. she opens her legs and says "do u want to lick this?" he replies " sod off look whats its done to ur knickers

how to learn chinese in 5 minutes (must read out loud)

that's not right - Sum Ting Wong
are you harbouring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Din
see me asap - Kum Hai Nao
stupid man - Dum ######
small horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
did you go to the beach? - Wai yu So Tan
i bumped into the coffie table - Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
i think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
it's very dark in here - Wai So Dim
i thought you were on a diet? - Wai Yu Mun Ching
is this a tow away zone? - No Pah King
our meeeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
he cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu
great - Fa Kin Su Pa

Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?


















In my experience about 4 fookin stone! >:( =Z :no:

kurt cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born.

He Knew!

The EU situation

Pythagoras' theorem - 24 words.
Lord's Prayer - 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle - 67 words.
10 Commandments - 179 words.
Gettysburg address - 286 words.
US Declaration of Independence - 1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments - 7,818 words.
EU regulations on the sale of cabbage - 26,911 words

An amusing tune for the more senior members amongst us...

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If I hear one more rubbish joke about 'tossing' on Pancake Day, I'm going to batter them.

I wasn't concentrating while driving this morning and crashed into a 'Stop' sign. I got out of the car to check the damage.

The sign was slightly bent and there was a small scratch on my bumper. Both could be repaired cheaply, so that wasn't too bad.

It wasn't all good news, though. I could tell from the kids' screams that the lollipop man was pretty f*cked up.

I wa walking through Barnsley today, when i was stopped by a representative from 'Aquafresh toothpaste'. "Did you know?" she said, "That the average person only brushes 30% of their teeth?"
"We're in Barnsley" I replied, "The average person has only got 30% of their teeth!" =D =D =D

My wife told me to buy her something that made her look Sexy.






She didn't look to impressed when I came home with two crates of John Smith's.

Theiverpool have two reasons to celebrate today. They've won the Carling Cup and it's benefits payday tomorrow

Theiverpool fans asked Wembly Stadium if it was OK to take flares into the ground.














Apparently everyone was wearing them last time they played there...........

Latest odds on Harry Redknapp taking the England job - 5/2.

A mate of mine went to Harley Street, London and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read : "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is £45,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester" "Is that where the job is?" asked my mate. "No sir", she answered, "that's where the end of the queue is." :-o