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Winter Excersise Programme

Take one Weetabix biscuit.
Take one Bar of Aero Milk Chocolate.
Put the Weetabix biscuit in a bowl.
Take the Aero bar and crush it up and spread it all over the Weetabix biscuit.
And there you have it. AEROBIX.

Anyone remember this from the opening day of season 2008/09 ?

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Just found a highlight form the agility at Crufts 2012
Our Border Terrier would be quite happy with this
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I couldn't take my eyes off this girl in the bar the other night. She had the most fantastic body I'd ever seen. It was only when she turned around though, that I saw how ugly her face was. Feeling a bit let down I got up to go the toilet, and by the time I got back, she had left.Later on my mate passed me a piece of paper and said, "Oh... I forgot. That lass at the bar asked me to give you this."...On it she'd written, "I saw you looking at me earlier.. Why don't you get in touch sometime," followed by her phone number. The most amazing thing was that she had signed the note, "from Horseface."I couldn't help but admire how she'd come to terms with the way she looked in such a self-deprecating and humorous way, so I decided to text her and ask for a date."Hi Horseface," I wrote, "I'd love to meet up sometime. Next Tuesday OK?"I'd just fired off the text when my mate saw what I was doing and said, "You're not actually replying to that are you? Chuffing hell, Dave! I even wrote Horseface on the bottom so you'd know it was that f**king ugly one!" :-o

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.......

Emet - did you enter this competition?
Some particularly fine whiskers on show - I have long maintained that comedy is a pre requiste for facial hair - these old boys really go overboard

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Wife says to husband, did you no that a bull f**ks 3000 times a yr, why cant you do that? Husband replies, ask the bull if he f**ks the same miserable cow every night

Like it SG!

Joke of the season. Exeter City!

GrandDad was reminiscing about the good old days...

"When I wuz a young fella me mudder wud send me down to corner store wif a Shilling, and I'd come back wif five pounds a potatoes, two loaves a bread, tree pints a milk, a pound a cheese, a packet a tea, 'alf a dozen eggs, an a packet a Rothmans Filters.

Yer can't do that now mate.

" Too many bloody security cameras."

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

I met a girl in the pub. We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers.

"Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation."

"Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked. "How premature?"

"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"

"Yeah?"

"THEN."

In hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as;"I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 xr3i"rather than I've just f....d a 14 year old escort".The police still haven't seen the funny side,my laptop's been confiscated and the wife has gone to her mum's

Made I Larf !!!

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

BNAG

Thats bang out of order.

Its better when Tim Vine does it live mind...