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austrianandygull wrote:We select who sings for Britain by having yet ANOTHER camp show on prime time saturday night telly with people singing and dancing. If we get an act that can sing, dance AND ice skate at the same time as well as rustling up a beef stroganoff all in one go then we've cracked it! A brand new programme can be made called, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MULTITASK?! Contestants have to whizz around on ice skates doing a rendition to I Want To Break Free by Queen, pirouhetting a bit and then concocting the perfect Lobster Bisque. If the Beeb don't do it Sky will. All those women who immerse themselves in this crap can flick themselves off knowing that in one show there will be a skate off, a dance off, a sing off AND a cook off! ( i wish they'd f**k off!)

Quality post!! That is a show i would watch to be fair.

Louis wrote:^ Oh yes totally with you there!!

My rant: the local idiot that rides up and down the newton / torquay road in his cycle lycra and tinted goggles (about late 60's) down the middle of the road without any care for the cars. He refuses to use the cycle lane ever. I had another encounter with him today (this time I didn't let it go) he went into the cycle lane as someone was in the middle part of road designated for leaving on the right exit road, he waits for me to go to overtake and without looking wham he moved right out into the middle so I was left to slam my brakes on and so was the person behind who nearly hit me. I naturally beeped my horn and wound the window down to say "use the cycle lane" and the bloke behind did too as he passed him, the idiot rider then overtook us down the middle of the road banging on both our driver side windows hurling a load of foul abuse at us one by one. Warning watch out for this absolute idiot!

Just run him over next time Louis, the guy obviously has a death wish anyway!

Following on from this, I regularly have to drive into Cambridge, one of the most frustrating cities in the world to drive around. Not only are there queues literally everywhere, you then have the complete idiots on their bikes. Now don't get me wrong, the vast majority of cyclists in that city are alright, they stick to the side of the road and try their best to stay out of your way, but there are some who just have that smug "I'm not destroying the environment so I should be king of the road" opinion. They ride right in the middle of the road, purposely to block you off and get in your way.

Recently though, I have found a solution. If there is someone right in your way, drive right up behind him. Literally leave maybe an inch between the front of your car and his back tyre. The a*sehole will soon be looking over his shoulder and panicking. Once he's out your way, be sure to give him a friendly wave as you pass him (or in my case, a random pick from 2 fingers, 1 finger or a w*nker gesture.)

I like to think that I'm giving my own discipline to poor road users!

April fools day and no-one has come up with anything at all let alone something creative! On twitter some bloke recons Usian Bolt is going to sign for Ebbsfleet, very poor attempt, nearly as poor as Tarzan and Buckle commentry team for radio Devon!

EmetEdadsBeard wrote: They aren't threatening to strike over pay

To be fair Emet you are :Oops: right and on this occasion i am wrong, however my viewpoint still stands for people striking over pay.

Cloth cap comrades who doffed their cap to no boss arsehole are turning in their graves at the complete erosion of both PAY and CONDITIONS.

Roll on the revolution when 666 bankers will be summarily executed with two taps to the head.

Trojan 67 wrote:Cloth cap comrades who doffed their cap to no boss arsehole are turning in their graves at the complete erosion of both PAY and CONDITIONS.

Roll on the revolution when 666 bankers will be summarily executed with two taps to the head.

I concur 100%

First of all. Tins of food that don't have ring pulls to open them. It's 2012, there is no place in the kitchen for a tin opener anymore! ( He says desperately searching for one to open the tin of beans i want for my dinner because it doesn't have an effing ring pull!).

Secondly, single rail fares. If it costs me £30 to get from Chesterfield to York return then it should cost me £15 to go one way and not more! Robbing clunges!! (like that word - don't know where i got it from though ).

Thirdly, diseased, rotting changing facilities in swimming pools. If you have ever been to the Doncaster Dome or indeed the pool off the big roundabout in Exeter then you'll know what i mean. Doors missing, doors with no handles / locks same with the doors of lockers. The one at Exeter i think 75% of all changing room doors and lockers were broken in sorm form or another. They stink of urine and there are plasters, crisps, nappies and allsorts strewn all over the floor. The Doncaster Dome also needs to review it's music policy. I go regularly every week when visiting my mum and i take my 3 year old. It is supposed to be a parent and toddler session yet they blurt out offensive rap and r&b music full blast all morning!! IT IS A SESSION FOR KIDS YOU JOEYS! WE DON'T NEED SOME WHITE COUNCIL ESTATE RAPPER TRYING TO TALK LIKE SNOOP DOG SAYING HOW HE WANTS TO SMACK HIS BITCH UP, TAKE SOME MUTHA DOWN WITH AN UZI, RIP OFF THE HOOD, OR USE THE WORD 'DA' FOR 'THE' , IF NOTHING ELSE IT'S AN APPALLING ABUSE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. WE WANT POSTMAN PAT, LAZYTOWN, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE AND OTHER CHILD RELATED THEME TUNES FOR THEIR ADDITIONAL MERRIMENT! Failing that, a 90's indie disc with Stone Roses, Manics, Charlatans, Northside, The Smiths and Happy Mondays would do fine.

Fourthly, well there isn't a fourth today coz 1,2 and 3 were so great.

austrianandygull wrote:First of all. Tins of food that don't have ring pulls to open them. It's 2012, there is no place in the kitchen for a tin opener anymore! ( He says desperately searching for one to open the tin of beans i want for my dinner because it doesn't have an effing ring pull!).

Secondly, single rail fares. If it costs me £30 to get from Chesterfield to York return then it should cost me £15 to go one way and not more! Robbing clunges!! (like that word - don't know where i got it from though ).

Thirdly, diseased, rotting changing facilities in swimming pools. If you have ever been to the Doncaster Dome or indeed the pool off the big roundabout in Exeter then you'll know what i mean. Doors missing, doors with no handles / locks same with the doors of lockers. The one at Exeter i think 75% of all changing room doors and lockers were broken in sorm form or another. They stink of urine and there are plasters, crisps, nappies and allsorts strewn all over the floor. The Doncaster Dome also needs to review it's music policy. I go regularly every week when visiting my mum and i take my 3 year old. It is supposed to be a parent and toddler session yet they blurt out offensive rap and r&b music full blast all morning!! IT IS A SESSION FOR KIDS YOU JOEYS! WE DON'T NEED SOME WHITE COUNCIL ESTATE RAPPER TRYING TO TALK LIKE SNOOP DOG SAYING HOW HE WANTS TO SMACK HIS BITCH UP, TAKE SOME MUTHA DOWN WITH AN UZI, RIP OFF THE HOOD, OR USE THE WORD 'DA' FOR 'THE' , IF NOTHING ELSE IT'S AN APPALLING ABUSE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. WE WANT POSTMAN PAT, LAZYTOWN, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE AND OTHER CHILD RELATED THEME TUNES FOR THEIR ADDITIONAL MERRIMENT! Failing that, a 90's indie disc with Stone Roses, Manics, Charlatans, Northside, The Smiths and Happy Mondays would do fine.

Fourthly, well there isn't a fourth today coz 1,2 and 3 were so great.

Rap. What is that all about anyway? Noise for people with absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, and deaf people. It took me 5 years to teach myself to play guitar, poorly at that. Des Lynam did a rap on Room 101 after requesting it go in having never been close to doing one before in his life.
People who say "Rappers have talent" could save time and just say "rappers" as the "have talent" bit is a waste of time and breath.
I can talk and swear over a drumbeat and rhyme, 'on' with 'dawn' without even thinking.

Any help on the pronunciation of the new word which has appeared (thanks USAMichigan) on these threads of late would be welcome...

Does it have a silent g so that it is pronounced Clunes? , like the actor Martin?

No, its pronounced 'Clug-nes'

Like Skegness then...thanks

USAT (Unitary Status Authority Torbay) squatting on the English Riviera landscape.



Where the f*** is "Torbay" ? Every time I view a respected Ordnance Survey map, the only "Torbay" I see is the one offshore marked Tor Bay.

Do you know what really pisses off EU controlled USAT ? It's when TORQUAY PAIGNTON and BRIXHAM (ENGLISH RIVIERA) gets ALL the credit.

The teachers union had there conference recently in TORQUAY and the national press, for the first time in ages, called it spot on (TORQUAY, not TORBAY)

"Torbay, where's that ?"

"There is no Torbay, only Torquay/Paignton/Brixham (English Riviera)".

"Reet good team that Torquay, tha's doing al' reet this season too. Stayed in Paignton on many occasions an' popped 'ead tup t' Plainmoor early season in't past."



There it is then, good Yorkshire folk know where the ENGLISH RIVIERA and its towns are, but don't have a clue to the whereabouts of "Torbay".

That's because EU controlled USAT no speaka da ENGLEESH, no understand the geography, no understand the sense of feeling just waiting patiently for all hell to break loose so hoods can be donned, knots in ropes can be fashioned and treasonous politically correct prats can be hung like n*****s.

Trojan 67 wrote:USAT (Unitary Status Authority Torbay) squatting on the English Riviera landscape.



Where the f*** is "Torbay" ? Every time I view a respected Ordnance Survey map, the only "Torbay" I see is the one offshore marked Tor Bay.

Do you know what really pisses off EU controlled USAT ? It's when TORQUAY PAIGNTON and BRIXHAM (ENGLISH RIVIERA) gets ALL the credit.

The teachers union had there conference recently in TORQUAY and the national press, for the first time in ages, called it spot on (TORQUAY, not TORBAY)

"Torbay, where's that ?"

"There is no Torbay, only Torquay/Paignton/Brixham (English Riviera)".

"Reet good team that Torquay, tha's doing al' reet this season too. Stayed in Paignton on many occasions an' popped 'ead tup t' Plainmoor early season in't past."



There it is then, good Yorkshire folk know where the ENGLISH RIVIERA and its towns are, but don't have a clue to the whereabouts of "Torbay".

That's because EU controlled USAT no speaka da ENGLEESH, no understand the geography, no understand the sense of feeling just waiting patiently for all hell to break loose so hoods can be donned, knots in ropes can be fashioned and treasonous politically correct prats can be hung like n*****s.

I know where Torquay, Paignton and Brixham are, stayed in the latter last weekend, attended the Accrington match AND I BLOODY WELL DO KNOW WHERE (or should I say what and where) TORBAY IS!

Waiter from Flowery Tw@ts say : "Misser Fawlty, teacher from Donny don attend conference in Torquay, he go swimming with the fishes in TOR . . . BAY ! "

I've just seen people wearing sunglasses indoors playing cards ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, people are playing poker and it's on TV for you to watch at your leisure. What next, Live Bingo with blue rinse old biddies competing for a million pound jackpot at the local GALA live on Sky? I can just see the tension in the bingo hall when some are wishing their final number to pop out. Then there will be the inevitable shout of HOUSE!!! of HERE!! ( up here in the north folk shout EE YA! ) and then one will have a cardiac arrest and we will lose pictures just as the cashier rushes over to administer CPR.

That just reminds me of the scene in Knowing Me, Knowing You with Partridge when he checks to see if the gun is loaded and he accidentally shoots one of his guests! This could be great TV!! Better than watching a load of posers wearing shades sat round a table like gangsters playing friggin cards! Christ! How about 'EXTREME YORKSHIRE SNAP' where players have to compete in a game of snap in a grim northern outpost like Halifax but the person last to shout is forced to eat a bucket of potted beef whilst wearing a flat cap and walking a whippet. If ITV don't do it then Sky will!

Anything is more entertaining than watching a load of ponces who think they are 10 men flicking cards like some girl. IT IS A GAME OF CARDS YOU WETS!! YOU AREN'T IN AFGHANISTAN OR IRAQ RISKING YOUR LIVES - YOU ARE SAT ROUND A TABLE PLAYING CARDS AND ACTING LIKE YOU ARE COOL!! What a set of clowns. I can't believe that anyone watches this shit?I mean come on. Cards is fine if you are with a few mates and having a few bevvies but to watch it on TV is sad. What next, live Domino's or Backgammon? And to while away the wee small hours for the most hardened of 'board games and other games' on TV watchers....... DIY SOLITAIRE SOS. When people playing this little beauty get stuck then they are well and truly ****. They are on their own so have nobody to call. No lifelines, no 50-50, no phone a friends - they ain't got any anyway THAT'S WHY THEY ARE PLAYING SOLITAIRE!! When they get stuck they have to sit there on live TV tapping out morse code for assistance until breakfast TV comes on.

unbelievable - just like live poker