Thea Bristow today on BBC Sport website saying that the reason Ling was sacked was because he was struggling to motivate the players and for his lack of enthusiasm.
She said, "The team needs motivation of a different kind from what Martin was bringing".
SO DID THE F*CKING FANS LOVE!!
Whoever told her to say that was spot on IMO. We were seriously like 28 Days Later under Ling, we were a team united alright, fans and players together in a zombie like trance - encompassing the footballing equivalent of the undead. In fact maybe that was a tactic of Ling's all along, to brainwash us all so that we'd be so unresponsive as humans that we'd just go along to every game regardless, it wouldn't matter if we played well as we were all comatose in preparation for ingestion and replication by the bodysnatchers from another world (hertfordshire - well i suppose technically it is as it's near to London and London is like ANOTHER F*CKING PLANET MAN!!!!
).
Fans were bored even when we were doing well so either Martin is suffering from a form of OCD whereby he has to facilitate his repetetive behaviours in his team selections and tactics, either he is just stubborn as he thought he knew best or he's really a bit simple in the sense that he really had no idea why a lot of fans were unhappy. Whichever it was, he had chance after chance after chance to try and chop and change things around, to try and ignite a spark, to get things buzzing again but he couldn't. We all craved the odd performance out of the blue to blow us away, for Martin to just be brave attacking wise and suck it and see, he couldn't do this and therefore the statement today from Thea Bristow is so accurate it's untrue and i'd have sacked him alone for this reason.
Plainmoor was like Raccoon City under Ling. There was definately a resident evil wandering the pitch with those infected suffering the main clinical symptom of the L-Virus (Ling - virus) which was severe motor problems which seemed to get worse the closer to the halfway line they got, the symptoms only alleviated when retreating back deep into their own half where they could pass the ball to each other just yards apart. The Nemesis was in the dugout oddly enough wearing a f*cking suit!
- these zombie bosses get weirder! The Nemesis had been kept in a top secret secure Government facility in deepest Cambridgeshire in the years before his test trial. His test trial came at the Abbey Stadium as manager of Cambridge United and the reports were good. They became a sh*t team too and also played a dire brand of football which is what the Nemesis was programmed to do all along.
The programming of this beast turned out to be something only a 4 year old could have done and it didn't need thousands of Government goons in a secret research facility to do this. They realised this so plucked a schoolboy from his class at a primary school in Histon and whisked him away in a black vauxhall astra with side impact bars and a walnut interior to be the primary programmer of this leviathan of footballing negativity. The schoolboy was plied with milky bars and cupfuls of red bull and told to do his work..................he did. :-o
PROGRAMME 1 = IN OPPONENTS HALF + BALL = GOOD (REJECT) LIGHT IS HERE
IN OWN HALF + BALL = BAD (ACCEPT) DARKNESS IS HERE
ACCEPT BAD AND REJECT GOOD = OBJECTIVE : DON'T CROSS THE HALF WAY LINE - YOU NEED THE DARK!
And so it was set - the Nemesis had been faultlessly and painstakingly programmed and got a job as manager of Torquay United and the rest is history.
Plainmoor was now Raccoon City and Silent Hill all rolled into one and on matchdays the fans filed through the turnstiles like cadavers with ADHD and once they had settled in to watching the team play under the influence of the L-Virus they became like the army of soldiers in a dictatorship, still, motionless and braindead. The only semblance of human activity was usually only to be found in the away end but as Torquay were playing Rotherham then everyone was clinically deceased effectively. It was a grim sight and the future of football under the Nemesis, someone had to break this cycle, someone had to return these shells of humans back to their loving families and back into society relatively unaffected by the virus they had contracted from this footballing evil.
Only one person had the antidote, an iron lady called Thea Bristow. She along with her cohorts at TUFC HQ had the power in their hands to save TQ1 and to return the feelgood factor back to Plainmoor once more. The decision was made to terminate the Nemesis and send it back to the footballing hell from whence it came, back to a life of drooling over Arsenal DVD'S in the early 90's under George Graham and plotting to replicate this with vastly inferior zombies (players) at a small league club. Plymouth should be next up then. =D
The choking grip the Nemesis had on Plainmoor was relinquished and immediately the fans sat in the bench began to return to normal, humans. Singing and chanting as did the fans in the family stand too. The ones in the pop stayed the same, they always look like friggin' zombies anyway. And as for the Rotherham fans, well lets just say it wasn't an improvement. Even the Chuckle Brothers weren't laughing at the state they were in. Well, with villages like Rawmarsh, Wath, Parkgate, Kimberworth and Swinton YOU wouldn't feel alive either if you lived in one of those ploptastic places.
Torquay United had been saved and some of the infected players who failed to respond to the antidote had to be dealt with severely and were not offered new contracts. There had to be a clearout to eliminate all traces of the virus around Plainmoor - it had to be done. Macklin, Stevens, Baker, Halpin they were all infected to the point of no return and had to go but fans thought Oastler would be ok after the vaccine but it was no use, the virus had mutated into a new strain called, the 'Ling & Taylor made me play like a numb octopus OMFG1LOL1 virus' for which there was simply no cure. Oastler had to be released.
Other players have responded well to the antidote such as Downes and Saah and are expected to make a full recovery within the week and say thanks to Thea for saving them by signing new contracts and others have recovered fully already and are already contracted to the club.
As the winds of change swirl around Plainmoor the excitement and anticipation is building as to what will happen from now on, who will sign, what is to unfold and the prospect of seeing more then one yellow shirt in the oppositions half next season and drooling over more than one shot at goal away from home. Our football season won't mirror Silent Hill, daylight one minute (home games) and the next darkness returns (away games). I feel like dancing and i would too, believe me, if i weren't 17 stone i seriously would give it a go right now in my kitchen even with my cats watching. I don't care, i'm a maverick and a bit of a rebel, i'll ring people's doorbells and run off and stuff. I'm so excited and i just can't hide it, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i want you (Knill)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or a song for Ling to the tune of Sleepy Jean
Bye bye Ling & T (taylor)
you nearly took us to the BSP
coz you're both - sh*t football managers
i'm not a zombie!
WE ARE SAFE FROM FOOTBALLING EVIL!!!!!!!!!!! AND I'M NO LONGER A ZOMBIE!!!!!!!! WHO'S GOT A JUKEBOX? SOMEONE STICK THE F*CKING CRANBERRIES ON!!
