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This game is MASSIVE. Think of a giant with the ego of Jonathan Ross, sat at Table Mountain, eating a Heston Blumenthal-esque Shepherds Pie of humongous proportions made from 78,349 lambs, drinking a nice tipple of Perrier-Jouet Belle Epoque Rose Cuvee 2004 from a glass scooped out of the Ross ice shelf in celebration having just won the 2013 Behemoth Masterchef title whilst listening to Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants by Oasis. If it can any bigger than that then this game is it.

I would have personally recommended he listen to Definately Maybe as that encapsulates the rawness of the genre, anything they produced after that is as weak as err, i'd say as weak as a cup of PG Tips. Definately Maybe is the Yorkshire Tea of Oasis albums and obviously anything that comes from Yorkshire is the best.

Alan Knill's men, not Martin Ling's men, Alan Knill's men take to the hallowed Plainmoor turf once again on saturday looking for back to back league successes since the last one at the beginning of December where we beat our guests on saturday York City 2-0 at Bootham Crescent followed by a 2-1 home win over Dagenham & Redbridge. The 2-1 victory over Chesterfield not only produced sensations in my body which i have only ever experienced at a Rammstein gig but it also gave us fans and the players the belief back that had been cruelly robbed from us by Oxford, Wycombe, Port Vale, Aldershot, Rochdale, Rotherham, Fleetwood and well, essentially every team in league 2 who have turned us over this season. Oh and politicians and my local council too, they cruelly rob us every f*cking day!!

Chesterfield Borough Council make me want to emit chunder to be honest. I pay them £95 a month for what? For leaving potholes in the roads as deep as Paris Hilton's clunge whilst the workmen sit around in vans eating pasties and reading the Daily Sport, well LOOKING at the Daily Sport. There aren't any words in it and even if there were these blokes can't read. All they can do is make noises like Patrick from Bikini Bottom, dribble food down themselves, wolf whistle at passing women as though it's somehow still acceptable and an effective pulling mechanism in 2013 and lift things. I swear that no matter WHAT time of day it is, should you pass any workmen they are GUARANTEED to be sat in their vans, the only exception being the poor dimwits who drew the short straw and have to stand at either end of the roadworks rotating a STOP/GO sign. I'd rather be unemployed and intelligent than thick as pig sh*t and have a job..................................HANG ON A MINUTE!! I'm err, umm , I have a job!

Schools are a joke, my daughter is due to start in September as she is 4 and will be taught by primary school teachers who often appear on quiz shows and know p*ss all about anything. I pay for street lighting that seems to be controlled by some bloke in a booth with a dimmer switch, i pay for my dustbins to be collected once a fortnight, i have 4 bins now. A blue one, a black one, a green one and a red one. In a years time they'll have to provide me with an attached allotment on to my property too so i am able to put all the f*cking bins in it!! I've got more bins than soft mick! What happens if i go colourblind? I'm up sh*t creek without a paddle OR a recognisable distinguishable refuse receptacle! WHAT IF I GO BLIND?!! Are the council going to 'furnish' my bins with braille so i know what goes where and will i have to pay for this service? Too bloody right i will the thieving charlatans!!

Anyway, the York game. As i have revealed on the matchday thread vote page, Nickgull is now doing the match previews and these will be on the main site. Indeed he has done his first one and it is up there now for you all to peruse at your leisure with a can of Carling and a sausage roll so please do check it out. I'm just writing all the absurd nonsense and mentioning a few bits about the game and bits and bobs so if you are expecting team line ups, player info and stuff then you've come to the wrong place. Nick should have all that malarkey up on the main site page.

Tuesday night was a seminal moment in our season, we won a game. It means we can now win another one if we want and i think we want to on saturday. I always thought that Chesterfield would be the easier game for us with York likely to be a tense and edgy affair given both team's circumstances. York have arguably been on a worse parachute jump than ourselves with ours fortunately opening in time to make a safe landing, but adhering to the strict H&S legislation and correct grounding procedures obviously whilst York's leap from the sky ( or upper realms of league 2 ) has seen their parachute open at the last possible minute meaning they have plunged into the tree (bottom 2) and are currently hanging in there shouting for help and recovery.

Is help coming for both of us? Well Joss Labadie has certainly been our emergency service whilst York will be hoping that the appointment of former Northern Ireland boss and Sheffield Wednesday player Nigel Worthington and the loan aqcuisition of ex Minsterman striker Richard Cresswell will come to the aid of a languishing York City.

For me personally, i have a strong history with York City having played for them as a youth, having lived nearby for many years, having been a regular in the David Longhurst terrace at Bootham Crescent for a few seasons and having enjoyed the matchday jaunts around such a fine city, coincidentally watching the seasons in which Richard Cresswell was making his name in the world of football. I was over the moon when York came back up from the football league and i desperately want them to stay up but i'm yellow through and through now and if they go down at the expense of Torquay United then so be it. I want nothing other than a Gulls win on saturday.

The Minstermen have only lost 5 on the road but have drawn an incredible 10 games, a stat i believe we would be close to matching if Ling was still in charge, and look where York are now. They haven't actually won a game since beating Burton 3-0 at Bootham on New Years Day and their last away win was back on December the 1st, a 3-2 win at Rochdale. I'm expecting a tough game, i'm expecting goals and i'm expecting a 2-2 draw.

They've got some useful players, i like Matty Blair, Jason Walker, Jamie Reed and Scotty Kerr and i think they can score goals, they just can't keep them out. The ref for this one is Roger East and in all honesty i'd rather have Roger Rabbit. At the very least Rabbits and other lagomorphs have eyes an appropriate size to their body so they can see more and not miss blatant penalty decisions or cheeky tackles, in fact it is this binocular vision and the fact that they have them positioned on the sides of their heads that virtually negate the need to have linesmen. Roger East has tiny eyes like p*ss holes in the snow and so he cannot be expected to see everything i suppose. In fact , i think we're being a bit harsh on refs looking at that evidence. The only problem with having a rabbit officiate is that if he gets myxi or vhd then the game would have to be abandoned. It wouldn't be possible to get a replacement rabbit to take the whistle as these devastating bunny illnesses are highly contagious and terminal. There is a way around this though and that is that the rabbit chosen to referee MUST show his vaccination certificate to the referees assessor BEFORE the fixture can be fulfilled. It's a strict policy i know but if bunnies aren't allowed to ref then it would have to be another binocular animal like a horse. Actually, spiders have loads of eyes so they could get a look in but they might get trampled on.

Did you know this? I'm not doing a 'TOWN OF THE DAY' because we're at home and you all know that Torquay smells of seagull droppings and sewage but for home games i'll replace it with ANDY'S FACT OF THE DAY. Yes, partridge-esque it may be but this is a slot where i, Andy or Andreas as is my full first name, will dazzle you with an amazing fact that you can tell your mates ( or mate in my case ) down the boozer and they / he will be instantly impressed with your infinate knowledge. So much so that he may even enter you as a contestant on Eggheads or something. The fact of the day for the York match is spider related and something, well the only thing i learned in my Animal degree at Lincoln Uni.

Have you ever noticed that when you chase a spider it runs frantically for a bit to escpae and then stops and then moves again?

This is because a spider has what is known as a 'book lung' and it works like a concertina filling up with air and expelling it as it expends energy in scuttling away. When the book lung empties of air, the spider has to stop to refill it and then it can go again.

I'll tell thee what. I f*cking amaze meesen sometimes tha nahs! :Oops:

AND PLEASE. DO NOT STEP ON SPIDERS. PICK THEM UP IN A CUP AND PUT THEM OUTSIDE. Spider killers only do so out of fear and if you're scared of something as big as a smartie just because it has 8 legs and feel the overwhelming need to end it's life then it's sad and so are you.

Anyway, i am trying to make this game 3rd time lucky. I had to cancel my pre-planned trip down to Plainmoor for the Wycombe game due to illness, i toyed with the idea of going to Southend but childcare issues made it impossible in the end and i'm currently working on trying to make this game as i feel it's the biggest game of the season thus far and i feel a calling to be there. God i wish those bloody voices in me head would give it a rest, yesterday they told me to watch Dickinson's Real Deal for an hour! Unbearable and that's just his face! Christ knows what he puts on it as that ain't a real sun tan. If it is he's the first human to survive a solar-orbiting trip on a spacerocket sunbed. I'd say he was orange but as he likes furniture it's friggin' mahogany.

Anyway, i am trying to put the wheels in motion so i can make this game which for me is close to a 600 mile round trip. I either have to persuade my mum to look after the bairn for 8 hours at my house which would mean picking her up from Yorkshire, driving down into Derbyshire and dropping her off at my house for 7.30 in the morning - THEN i'd have to drive down to Torquay, watch the game, drive back home and get in for about 9-10pm. This would cost me well over £120 plus i'm still feeling pretty ropey from the glandular fever thingy but i'm prepared to do that for the lads!!!!!! COYY!!!!!

OR

I could do all that, stay in a hotel with my mum and bairn and go to somewhere like Longleat or summat on the sunday but that would mean my mum and little un stuck in a hotel for God knows how many hours with nothing to do whilst i go to Plainmoor. It would also cost a lot more than £120.

First of all i am prepared to serve my club and to do what is necessary ( some of you may say then stay the f*ck away then you jinx! Eh Scott?! ) but i have to persuade my mum to do the childcare either way or i'm done for. If she says no i'll just tell her that she's not my real mum or summat. If she says yes then i'll buy her a paper and a bag of minstrels, oh and a sudoku book if i'm feeling generous but i'm from Yorkshire, we never do. Either way she can't lose!!

So peoples, relax and enjoy the game and i should know tomorrow if i'm going or not and if so it would be great to meet up with Dave ( Forever) again in B&L and possibly any more of you that don't wish to cave my teeth in and hopefully i'll take up the same place on the pop as i did in the Northampton game next to Bengull and his old man near the singers.

Finally i shall end this sombre thread, sombre because Nick has nicked all my footy facts ( good irish racehorse that was ) and i've nothing to write but endless trivia which i hope in some small way makes someone smile. Only joking Nick. :na:

Hope to get down there for the game and as always...........COME ON YOU YELLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! Andy, I've just done what I now do on a regular basis. I've scanned quickly down your post in about fifteen seconds, pausing very briefly on words which give a glimmer of hope for you to win the Nobel prize for literature, before moving disappointedly on to the final whistle, as it were, and then having a sickly munch through a large treacle tart in order to give me enough energy for a repeat reading.

I'm at a loss to understand why your quirky previews are such a draw, but they certainly win me over!

Talking of which, we're going to win on Saturday. Of the two teams, I think York are the ones who are going to be tense and edgy and nervous. Our confidence and self-belief is being restored game by game to the way things used to be, and we are now playing a more attacking game and are beginning to score goals on a regular basis. We're going to win by two clear goals. And there's another two for one voucher in tomorrow's Herald Express!

Big big game. Can't wait for it...!!

Just nipped over to the York forum. They're a confident bunch, I'll give them that. Predictions of 0-2 and 0-3 are not uncommon. Seems they think this loanee will be the salve to their wounds deep and bloody. They're also pissed off about having to go in the Bench, which seems a little like being pissed off at having to trade in a knackered Polo for a brand new Bentley, but that's their prerogative, I suppose. Did offer some explanation that everyone makes visitors go in the most expensive seats and that, as seats go, they're pretty good.
They seem to think they'll bring 3-400 (that's three hundred to four hundred, not three to four hundred) which would make a nice change of pace from the couple of dozen we've seen up there recently.
I think York, like us, are a pretty good side, just horribly crippled by a grotesque run of form. Like us, until they hit the rocks, they were on the fringes of the Playoff hunt. They have, as aforementioned, signed Richard Cresswell on loan from the Blades. Knowing our luck, he'll score a couple and give them the win (that said, for the first time in ages, we've signed an effective goalscoring loanee [sit down Benyon, I'm talking about Labadie]).
Overbearing negativity aside, this is a game I'd like to see us win. We were much the better side on Tuesday and, but for the worst lino in history, could have had at least 4. We should be beating York, despite their quality, I think we have more, we're at home, we're coming off the back of three lovely performances which deserved more than they got and we need the points to stay above Plymouth (probably the most important factor of all).

Matt.

ferrarilover wrote:Just nipped over to the York forum. They're a confident bunch, I'll give them that. Predictions of 0-2 and 0-3 are not uncommon. Seems they think this loanee will be the salve to their wounds deep and bloody. They're also pissed off about having to go in the Bench, which seems a little like being pissed off at having to trade in a knackered Polo for a brand new Bentley, but that's their prerogative, I suppose. Did offer some explanation that everyone makes visitors go in the most expensive seats and that, as seats go, they're pretty good.
They seem to think they'll bring 3-400 (that's three hundred to four hundred, not three to four hundred) which would make a nice change of pace from the couple of dozen we've seen up there recently.
I think York, like us, are a pretty good side, just horribly crippled by a grotesque run of form. Like us, until they hit the rocks, they were on the fringes of the Playoff hunt. They have, as aforementioned, signed Richard Cresswell on loan from the Blades. Knowing our luck, he'll score a couple and give them the win (that said, for the first time in ages, we've signed an effective goalscoring loanee [sit down Benyon, I'm talking about Labadie]).
Overbearing negativity aside, this is a game I'd like to see us win. We were much the better side on Tuesday and, but for the worst lino in history, could have had at least 4. We should be beating York, despite their quality, I think we have more, we're at home, we're coming off the back of three lovely performances which deserved more than they got and we need the points to stay above Plymouth (probably the most important factor of all).

Matt.

Your not a bad bloke after all, good comments

*You're.

Matt.

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Indeed, for those who want a football preview check the main site page.

Good work Andy!

Sh*tloads of heavy snow forecast for us and other midlands areas tonight, friday and saturday all day plus it will be dark and snowing so it will take me about 6 hours + in all probability to get back. It's just not worth making the trip in one day so i'm out. Days away from April and we're going to be snowed in again, everytime i try and get to Plainmoor there's always f*cking summat!!! I give up.

Roll on Northampton next friday night.

That's assuming that the York players can get down here through the blizzards then! And the amount of rain we're getting in Devon, who's to say that the pitch won't be waterlogged ? Gotta love this winter, must be gearing up to be the longest one this century!

Very heavy rain and strong winds today in Torquay-more rain forecast for tomorrow,Saturday will be better.
Looks like quite a few of the fixtures in our league-especialy in Midlands and North could be postponed given the forecast.Hopefully ours will survive and we can take advantage by winning three points and putting more pressure on those below and above us who don't play.

austrianandygull wrote:
At the very least Rabbits and other lagomorphs have eyes an appropriate size to their body so they can see more and not miss blatant penalty decisions or cheeky tackles, in fact it is this binocular vision and the fact that they have them positioned on the sides of their heads that virtually negate the need to have linesmen.

It's a strict policy i know but if bunnies aren't allowed to ref then it would have to be another binocular animal like a horse.

Rabbits and horses both have monocular vision not binocular. :na:

Bloody wikipedia!! :Oops:






I told you the spider thingy was the ONLY thing i'd learned at Uni. :~D

Matt, from your comments I'd suggest you might get on very well with the user 'Mr Anonymous' who posted on here for a bit...

I think that our game must be in serious doubt. On Tuesday night there was standing water on the pitch (Bristows Bench) at 7pm - and there had been no heavy rainfall. The drainage is absolutely dire. With a bad forecast for tonight and tomorrow I think we could be in trouble. I have not seen the forecast for Saturday yet but would say that we would need a dry day for it to be on.
Hopefully the game will go ahead - we have the momentum after Tuesday.

stevegull wrote:Matt, from your comments I'd suggest you might get on very well with the user 'Mr Anonymous' who posted on here for a bit...

Mr Anonymous will ride again. .. apparently.

Matt.

Weather not too bad at the moment but an absolute deluge of rain throughout yesterday and last night.
Pitch will be saturated and need alot of work.Luckily forecast for tomorrow is better,but York team and supporters will face travelling in some awful weather conditions with heavy snow forecast in Yorkshire today right through to Sunday.