Future Careers...
Future Careers...
.... now that it appears that the Management/Players have given up, thoughts inevitably turn to what lies in store for them, beyond football. Actually "beyond football" rather nicely describes what we have had to endure this last season or two. As for future careers, here are some suggestions, which the PFA might not have thought of for our boys ...
Chris Hargreaves .... Refuse Collector
His CV shows that he has recently gained valuable experience of working in this field.
Elliot Benyon .... Green keeper
Young Elliot has spent years studying grass and will more often than not be found lying horizontal with his face in it!
Enoch Showumni ... Doorman
Well, much like his previous work as a professional footballer, he will at least look the part even if he is not any good at it
Kevin Nicholson ... Member of Parliament
Known to be a good talker and very persuasive, Kevin has been blagging his way along in his current job for a good few years now and is ideal material for this position
Aaron Downes .... Cricketer
Aaron is Australian, so he must be ....
Joss Labadie .... Dentist
Good with his teeth (allegedly) is our Joss
Shaun Cooper (who?) ... Malingerer
Currently unable to start his new position, should be fully recovered in 2 or 3 weeks apparently!
Tom Cruise ... Actor
With a name like that, he must be destined for Hollywood. Has already shown his talent in this field by managing to convince his previous employer that he was once a footballer for Arsenal!
Billy Bodin ... Model
Billy has the looks and apparently the body as well. Despite being involved in professional sport for several years, he has remarkably managed to survive without getting a mark on him! Incredible, really!
Michael Poke ... Financial Adviser
Michael has earned a reputation of being very good with (other people's) money and after spending the best part of a decade earning a lot of money for doing very, very little in the Southampton area, he is now proving his worth down in Devon. Would be ideally suited to a part time position in this field
Krystian Pearce ...Footballer
....just not with us
Nathan Craig ....Translator
Nathan is fluent in both Welsh and English, now looking to transfer these skills. Also known to have a decent left foot ....unfortunately the rest of him needs some attention though!
Ashley Yeoman ... Teacher
Young Ashley has all the attributes to be a good teacher. Used to working with kids and has shown remarkable patience over a very long period of time.
Lee Mansell ... Cardiologist
Lee is, according to those that know him "all heart" and despite not having the necessary attributes to continue in his current career, he has been known to exhibit skills in the area of resuscitation. He can often be seen demonstrating the art of chest thumping at the weekend. He now needs to transfer these skills to the medical world.
Martin Rice ... Peanut Farmer
Apparently Martin has been working for peanuts for several years now
Dale Tonge ... Publican
Set to go into the pub trade, with his partner, who is already often seen pulling pints behind the bar at Boots & Laces. Rumour has it that once they have settled on a pub, he is very keen to set up a decent pub football team and is interested in carrying on playing the game ... should fit right in!
Danny Stevens ... Schoolboy
When he grows up, young Danny has set his heart on being a professional footballer. Ah well, you can but dream
Damon Lathrope .... Sailor/submariner
Well, he has the tattoos and likes "playing deep" apparently
Niall Thompson ... Athlete
100 metre sprints a speciality ... Just don't make him kick a ball whilst doing it though!
Karl Hawley ... Professional Fraudster
Been working in this field since he left the Carlisle area and has been very, very successful too! Wanted by police in the Preston, Nottingham and Scunthorpe area and now believed to be working (allegedly) in the Devon area although sightings of him are rare and so far nothing productive!
Dean Edwards .... Meat Exporter
Currently working in the field of Commericial Management. Dean has apparently been trying to "flog a dead horse" for some time now. He is now looking to make this a full time position and although his options are limited in this country (with one or two notable exceptions!) he is looking to establish himself in the Eastern European market where there is more demand for this sort of thing.
Ben Harding - Hair Stylist
More concerned that his gelled hair was in place than getting involved in trivial matters such as tackling (courtesy of tomogull) in his previous career as a footballer. He will be right at home in a salon.
I hope you will all join me in wishing all this lot all the very best in their chosen future careers!
Chris Hargreaves .... Refuse Collector
His CV shows that he has recently gained valuable experience of working in this field.
Elliot Benyon .... Green keeper
Young Elliot has spent years studying grass and will more often than not be found lying horizontal with his face in it!
Enoch Showumni ... Doorman
Well, much like his previous work as a professional footballer, he will at least look the part even if he is not any good at it
Kevin Nicholson ... Member of Parliament
Known to be a good talker and very persuasive, Kevin has been blagging his way along in his current job for a good few years now and is ideal material for this position
Aaron Downes .... Cricketer
Aaron is Australian, so he must be ....
Joss Labadie .... Dentist
Good with his teeth (allegedly) is our Joss
Shaun Cooper (who?) ... Malingerer
Currently unable to start his new position, should be fully recovered in 2 or 3 weeks apparently!
Tom Cruise ... Actor
With a name like that, he must be destined for Hollywood. Has already shown his talent in this field by managing to convince his previous employer that he was once a footballer for Arsenal!
Billy Bodin ... Model
Billy has the looks and apparently the body as well. Despite being involved in professional sport for several years, he has remarkably managed to survive without getting a mark on him! Incredible, really!
Michael Poke ... Financial Adviser
Michael has earned a reputation of being very good with (other people's) money and after spending the best part of a decade earning a lot of money for doing very, very little in the Southampton area, he is now proving his worth down in Devon. Would be ideally suited to a part time position in this field
Krystian Pearce ...Footballer
....just not with us
Nathan Craig ....Translator
Nathan is fluent in both Welsh and English, now looking to transfer these skills. Also known to have a decent left foot ....unfortunately the rest of him needs some attention though!
Ashley Yeoman ... Teacher
Young Ashley has all the attributes to be a good teacher. Used to working with kids and has shown remarkable patience over a very long period of time.
Lee Mansell ... Cardiologist
Lee is, according to those that know him "all heart" and despite not having the necessary attributes to continue in his current career, he has been known to exhibit skills in the area of resuscitation. He can often be seen demonstrating the art of chest thumping at the weekend. He now needs to transfer these skills to the medical world.
Martin Rice ... Peanut Farmer
Apparently Martin has been working for peanuts for several years now
Dale Tonge ... Publican
Set to go into the pub trade, with his partner, who is already often seen pulling pints behind the bar at Boots & Laces. Rumour has it that once they have settled on a pub, he is very keen to set up a decent pub football team and is interested in carrying on playing the game ... should fit right in!
Danny Stevens ... Schoolboy
When he grows up, young Danny has set his heart on being a professional footballer. Ah well, you can but dream
Damon Lathrope .... Sailor/submariner
Well, he has the tattoos and likes "playing deep" apparently
Niall Thompson ... Athlete
100 metre sprints a speciality ... Just don't make him kick a ball whilst doing it though!
Karl Hawley ... Professional Fraudster
Been working in this field since he left the Carlisle area and has been very, very successful too! Wanted by police in the Preston, Nottingham and Scunthorpe area and now believed to be working (allegedly) in the Devon area although sightings of him are rare and so far nothing productive!
Dean Edwards .... Meat Exporter
Currently working in the field of Commericial Management. Dean has apparently been trying to "flog a dead horse" for some time now. He is now looking to make this a full time position and although his options are limited in this country (with one or two notable exceptions!) he is looking to establish himself in the Eastern European market where there is more demand for this sort of thing.
Ben Harding - Hair Stylist
More concerned that his gelled hair was in place than getting involved in trivial matters such as tackling (courtesy of tomogull) in his previous career as a footballer. He will be right at home in a salon.
I hope you will all join me in wishing all this lot all the very best in their chosen future careers!
Last edited by CP Gull on 26 Mar 2014, 12:31, edited 7 times in total.
This is the only thing that has made me smile in the last few weeks. Very funny!
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- SuperNickyWroe
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you could have course had CH as an "aspiring" football manager - in around 2018..........
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Top work Chris.. Hawley was thinking of a career with Al-Qaeda judging by the beard, but realized there's no future prospects with such a career.
Formerly known as forevertufc
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Very good!
Surely Aaron Downes will be working in a bar though?!
Surely Aaron Downes will be working in a bar though?!
I'd add -
Ben Harding - hair stylist
More concerned that his gelled hair was in place than getting involved in trivial matters such as tackling.
Ben Harding - hair stylist
More concerned that his gelled hair was in place than getting involved in trivial matters such as tackling.
Thanks tomogull, added. How could I possibly forget Ben Harding! :Oops:tomogull wrote:I'd add -
Ben Harding - hair stylist
More concerned that his gelled hair was in place than getting involved in trivial matters such as tackling.
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Top stuff CP!
Strangely enough it was Pope Gregory the 9th inviting me for drinks aboard his steam yacht, the saucy sue currently wintering in montego bay with the England cricket team and the Balanese Goddess of plenty.
- SuperNickyWroe
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thats the problem CP - we should forget most of them anyway.CP Gull wrote: Thanks tomogull, added. How could I possibly forget Ben Harding! :Oops:
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- yellowforever
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Absolutely brilliant. Thread of the year.
"We are now so far up sh*t creek our boat is actually poking out the end of someones toilet bowl."
Brucie. 27/02/14
Brucie. 27/02/14
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